Gray, Blue and Straw hat associations merge

black hatBreaking News: The Straw Hat and Gray/Blue Hat associations will be merging in a historic move against the proliferation of black hat supporters. Traditionally the two sides had much animosity due to the Straw Hats being on a different playing field than the Gray and Blue hatters since straw hat wearers feel superior because they wear a completely different material then Blue/Gray and Black Hats.

Harvey Sol Friedman spokesperson for the Straw Hat Wearers association told us that he expected the move to make waves in the yeshiva world where it was commonly acknowledged that Blue and Gray hat wearers tended to be yeshivish people who wanted to make a statement while straw hat wearers traditionally only wanted to wear hats during the summer for shade purposes and so that they justify having names like Sol, Irv, Harvey, Mort and Larry.

In recent years, the yeshivishness of the black hatters has gotten so strong that they have even called gray and blue hat wearers apikorsum, citing Rav Moshe Tshuvas which no one ever bothers to look up because Rav Moshe said it, in fact one of the causes of the Straw Hat Wearers group is to combat these random “Rav Moshe Tshuva” burst outs, because as Harvey Sol Friedman put it, “any douchebag can say that but no one really knows how to learn anymore” he went on further to tell us that having a black hat would improve your service at pizza stores, status in shidduchim and help you get alliyahs at shul and this racial discrimination has to stop. Luckily the Blue and Gray hat crowd are usually folks who had abandoned their black hat lifestyle mostly due to the fact they wanted their wives to do that whole lip-syncing thing during zemiros, and they bring invaluable information on the practices of traditional black hat wearers.