Vacations are almost banned

haredi bansIts been some time since the Charedim have tried to ban something, this is mostly because the riots, the gays and the scandals have kept the Rabbis and their henchmen from concentrating on more important things like banning vacations, the newest attempted ban by some askanim (what on earth is an askan?)who brought a kol koreh to Rav Yehuda Leib Steinman, who refused to sign it and shockingly announced that vacation is good, even for learning boys. Hat tip to Rabbi Eliyahu Fink who posted this story on Dov Bear’s blog.

Kudos to this gadol for refusing to just ban blindly.

They wanted to ban vacation for obvious reasons, number 1 it seems like too much fun and they are probably the types that cannot afford luxuries like vacation – which means it must be gashmius. Also women should not leave the kitchen for too long because they will forget how to make kugel. Vacation may bring you in close contact with goyim and Jews of other castes, girls may be wearing clothing that isn’t black and you may be forced to tuck your peyos into a baseball hat which is clearly assur.

Vacation spots also tend to have pools that do not have the requisite barbed wire fence, watchtowers and snipers waiting to pick off any men or women who attempt yo look into the pool area.

But this episode got me thinking about bans in general and other things that should be banned, like jar gefilte fish, snoods and wearing all black in the summer.

Pre-pubescent boys choirs: it seems like an invitation to have homo-erotic fantasies and promotes child abuse. What is to stop boys choir members from getting busy in the dressing rooms? Besides we can all pretty much agree that frummie boys choirs suck and probably break every law in the book when it comes to kol isha.

Snoods: Do I even have to explain myself on this one, yes they look awfully comfortable, but a women in a snood and shabbos robe shouldn’t even wonder why their husbands are looking on the craigslist casual sex ads for more attention.

Bluetooths in restaurants: I just don’t want to hear what you have planned for mikvah night while I am sitting in a pizza store. Its rude enough that Jews don’t clean up after themselves in NY, add the Bluetooth permanently implanted in the ear and things go awry.

Pizza price gouging: How is it that every single pizza store in New York could find out when the prices go up? There must be some sort of Sephardic pizza racket similar to the way OPEC messes with oil prices, because there is no way that the Crown Heights people would know that Borough Park raised the prices to $2.50 a slice.

Slamming the change on the counter: Have you ever tried to pick up a penny on a slick countertop without a good set of nails? It doesn’t work, in fact it backs up the line and slamming change on the counter is rude, God forbid I get too close to your hand miss cashier, God forbid you feel the heat from my hand as you hand me my change, God forbid you put the bills under the coins so I can pick them up.

Women in SUV’s: In my view and I am sure I will get flack for this, women do not belong in SUV’s, simply because they drive erratically and the suspension isn’t made for quick yenta u-turns so they could say hi to someone they knew in the middle of the street. They should only be driving minivans, because SUV’s are probably not tznius anyway.

Gefilte fish jelly: This should have been banned years ago, because there is no good reason why anyone should have to deal with gefilte fish jelly, its just disgusting.

Triple parking: Look double parking is fine because someone may be able to get out, but triple parking is creating a great sakannah and should not be done.

Women from Friday night mincha: You can come after mincha, but unbeknownst to women, Friday mincha has to be davened by all latecomers in the women’s section. If it isn’t done in the women’s section it completely throws off as lot of people from their whole tradition.

The following have already banned the following:(mostly for women)

Denim

Returning lost cell phones

Shweky and Avraham Fried

Mannequins

Post high school education

Swinging of the arms when walking

The color red

Miami

The Internet

Cell Phones

Coed grocery lines

Sheitle Pictures

GPS

Megilas Esther

Freedom of Choice

Tzipi Livni

Facebook

Bat Mitzvahs

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