Ten questions a chabad shliach could ask Jewish rednecks

Jewish RednecksBy Samuel Pilkinton

So, I’ve been officially engaged for 2 weeks now. Mazel tov to me right?!?! I could not possibly be happier. Our parents are ecstatic; we couldn’t have more support from friends. But next month is our first trip to my parent’s home in Mississippi. My cousin and his fiancé are coming up from Florida and the extended family is all showing up.

Now my cousin and I have never spent a Shabbos together. We have talked about it for years now, but just have never been in the same town at the same time. Next month we finally get our chance at a reform shul in north Mississippi. This shul is insanely small. I mean, on Yom Kippur 15-20 families MIGHT show up, and there MIGHT be a rabbi on loan from another community.

So I started wondering, since there is a community (albeit a tiny one) of Jews, and there is a need for direction, why not send a shaliach from Crown Heights down? If shalichim can go to Salt Lake City Utah or the tundra of Alaska, they can show up at the birthplace of Elvis right?

And that leads me to the meat of this post. What would the top ten list of questions for a Chabad Shaliach be in a small farming town in north Mississippi?

10. Which heksher is most reliable for chewing tobacco?
9. How do you hang your tzitzis out if you’re wearing bibbed overalls?
8. If a shochet kills a 10-point buck, can you still mount its head over your fireplace?
7. Where does one find John Deere and Caterpillar tractor kippas? Also, which is more frum?
6. Is a Confederate flag do-rag acceptable as a snood?
5. Can a Shabbos belt for your keys be altered to carry a can of Copenhagen?
4. Is it a ma’aras ayin if your Shabbos goy is African American?
3. Forget stacking vs. scraping; is “silverware or fingers at the Shabbos table?” an acceptable shidduch question?
2. Is it tznius for a woman to watch her husband in a pro-wresting cage match?
1. If Jews are not allowed to hit each other, how do brothers settle fights about who gets to marry their cousin?