Finding the right shul on Tisha B’av

Finding the right shul to go for Tisha B’av can make your fast an easy and memorable one, while winding up at the wrong shul may arguably be the best way to remember how much we suffered at the hands of everyone who has tried to kill us all these years.

For me the right shul on Tisha B’av is not necessarily the shul I’ll go to on shabbos for it must contain things that I never think about on shabbos. The main thing being carpet, carpet is a necessity for floor sitting, mostly because sitting on the floor in canvas shoes sucks and carpet can make it a little easier to concentrate on eicha.

A good deep voice for eicha is also key, I love the Eicha tune, is that heretical? And I need a good deep manly voice to read it. I’m sure the women also appreciate a good deep sexy eicha voice too.

Seltzer boxes – if your shul has seltzer boxes or crates to sit on, please contact me. I only recently realized that upper west side shuls have boxes to sit on because they are so snobby that most of the people refuse to sit on the ground.

Hot girls to look at while I’m trying to figure out what exactly say during kinos, wait besides for my friend Matthue who claims to have finished kinos last year, has anyone actually ever read the whole kinos. To me its kind of like hoshana rabba, I pretend to say them all while smelling my lulav or in this case looking over or under (if I’m sitting on the floor) the mechitza.

Now what exactly do most people do after shul, I find the fast is usually miserable because it’s always hot and humid. Only once did I break my fast on Tisha B’av (during a two week off the derech stint I did in Montana some years back) but I fast pretty well as long as I have something to occupy my mind.

I remember back when I was a kid people used to do those rallies at the UN for things that frummies rally about. I never went, mostly because it was hot and I wasn’t into writing about these things yet. Has anyone ever gone? Are they worth going to?

For the vast majority of people that take off work I think several movies are in store for the Tisha B’av regimen. There are the Tisha B’av classics like School Ties, Schindlers List, and Delta Force and Titanic (such a good long tear jerker is great for sad fast days) but then I am sure other people watch Jew movies like ones with Adam Sandler in them or references to Jews like Snatch or South Park. The only Lord of the Rings movie I ever saw was at the dollar theater in Rochester one Tisha Baav – really made my fast go by faster.

I unfortunately have to work tomorrow, but hopefully I can come up with good blog posts.