People within the frum community date primarily to get married, but I hear more and more of people who date for other reasons, date because they are told they want to get married or because someone has the “perfect girl” for them – even though they are not interested. I myself don’t really date much, but I was sitting in the car today and I was thinking about all the exterior factors that go into some folks dating habits. So while many folks are dating for the eventual marriage that may or may not result from these dating practices, what gets the person to date in the first place may not be the tachlis for marriage.
Communal pressure: I know of quite a few folks who only date to satisfy the community members that ask “so nu are you busy?” with a resounding yes, this keeps people off your back and prevents that little old lady who keeps trying to set you up with her buck teethed granddaughter out of your airspace.
Co-workers think your too picky: Plenty of folks work in an office setting with frum co-workers, I have heard on more than one occasion of folks dating purely because if they keep rejecting the unwanted date offerings from co-workers wives they will be deemed as picky and passed over if anything of value came along. I have feeling this spans beyond the co-worker realm.
Sex: If you can get some on a true shidduch date, all the power to ya, but for the rest of us sex is just some distant thing that never results from frum dating, unless you call the upper west side frum. But maybe you are really trying to fulfill the whole “don’t you want to take em for test drive” philosophy.
Parents: How many times do parents get on your case about being single, I have no idea really because my old man couldn’t care less, he got married at 41 – but so people date purely because of parental pressure – hence the reason you see girls who are 23 years old and have been out with 100 guys (I always ask them if they have calculated how much free food they have gotten in their dating careers)
Rabbis: Don’t even get me started on the dating mussar that Rabbis and their wives can give you if you are in a dry spell, my dating life kind of looks like the Bonneville Salt flats and my rebetzin is always bugging me about why I am not dating or doing tachlis or whatever other semi-yeshivish dating lingo these ladies use.
Shul: Who the hell wants to be the only single guy in shul anyway?
Weddings: Sometimes I feel all lonely at weddings, but at yeshivish weddings I look at the rotund newlyweds with screaming children and think about my good fortune at being single. I also sit at the men’s tables and listen to conversations about how to hide the porn from your wife and wonder if anyone is actually happily married. For many it is quite the opposite, they fress at the wedding and think about how the chosson is going to get laid and say “hey I want that” I am thinking that I also want it – but just not bad enough to force myself into a unwanted relationship with someone I was introduced to by the cul de sac yenta.
Summer: Summer is that time of year that it seems everyone is in love besides for you, a hell of a good reason to kick up the dating regimen, I had a girlfriend last summer for the first time during the summer (all of my girlfriends have been in the winter) and let me tell you it was really good and I totally want that again – I just find it hard to give up my bike for a date.
Movies: Chick flicks get me sobbing and make me feel lonely…
Married friends: Do you want to be 30 and single??? I always refrain from answering because it doesn’t seem too bad. Sometimes friends can paint the older nebbish single guy good enough to get you to go out with their sister in laws that would be perfect for you.