The different types of Frum Satire commenters

Contrary to popular belief I have no idea who reads this blog, I can probably account for about 250 people and the rest of them are a complete mystery to me. Sometimes I find out that pretty big literary people, authors, filmmakers and big Rabbis are reading it and I am shocked and excited that I am getting to every nook and cranny in the Jewish world. Recently I have been making inroads into the non-orthodox, mostly secular liberal, artsy Jewish world – exactly where I want to be, mostly because secular Jewish humor sucks and I have something to add besides for borscht, matzo and shtuping shiksas.

I am always trying to figure out who exactly my audience is and thank God I have gotten to the point that I cannot really pinpoint these people unless I chat with them over Facebook, Twitter, Gtalk or email – and of course the comments. Comments can tell a lot about a person – and I myself have come up with a list of the different types of commenters. These days there has been a sort of lull in comments, I attribute it to spring – but who knows – I go through phases where every single post no matter what gets 35 comments, but it doesn’t matter because Frum Satire is bigger than ever.

The stalker who doesn’t want to say so: I can spot these people in a second, they comment like mad for 2 months, send a couple of emails – but never say their intentions, if I don’t pick up on their flirtatious activities, they just disappear.

The Chillul Hashem: These people stumble across my site and think I have some sort of ax to grind against the orthodox community, I don’t, I didn’t even grow up too frum or rebel or anything, but they will comment on one post cursing me out without ever reading anything else. These Chillul Hashem people are of the same ilk that scream Anti-Semite anytime they see something that may or may not be so.

Lol: This may not seem like good feedback, but making people laugh is the general idea, and knowing I did that – is always nice to hear.

Go screw yourself: These people are of the more angry no-life chillul Hashem crowd, there is a guy now named What a Schmuck who makes it pretty obvious that he is just a pissed off uneducated person – I long for educated dissent, though it usually comes in the form  of email.

Trolls: These are the people that continuously make negative comments on whatever you write, they are usually quite smart and very critical, I was attacked by ED repeatedly back in the day when I first started getting noticed in the Blogesphere, bloggers like Rafi G and Dov Bear remember him fondly – we miss you ED!!!

The one liner: I have a few commenters who comment only once in a while in a very concise manner, “Great Post” or “you sound like a moron” are common of these, A23 has been commenting since the beginning of this blog and is the longest commenter I know of, he comments like this.

I want to date you: I wish women would be more open with me, instead they comment and pop over emails or facebook messages, but rarely do they take it beyond – I wish they would – sometimes they have the balls to do so and I like assertive women.

The obnoxious argument starter: These commenters love to make trouble and that’s fine because there’s nothing like a bunch of Jews fighting with each other over the internet while minimizing their screens every time their supervisor goes patrolling around the cubicles.

Blog philosophers: These people tend to write comments that look like a doctoral thesis, its great knowing that I can write things that make people take the time out of their day to write a diatribe and spur discussion.

Angry no matter what: similar to the Chillul Hashem commenters but different in that they are just angry people.

Mussar patrol: I have several good mussar givers, every time I write something too extreme – these folks send me an email to tell me why its wrong – these people are usally responsible for posts that I remove and they are almost always women. Kind of like Blog mothers.

You offended me: I understand that I am going to offend people along the way, but that’s the nature of the comedy game – if I don’t offend anyone I feel like I’m not doing a good job.

What are you talking about? Once in a while someone comments on a post with something that has nothing to do with the post. I am in amazement at the things that people come up with.

Agreed: Its nice to know that some people actually agree with my crazy ideas, some which I actually agree with too. By now I’m sure many of you realize that I can make ruckus without agreeing at all with what I’m saying.