Become a member of the Tznius Police

Its high time for changes in the frum community, crisis after crisis has effected us, and unfortunately until now no one has been able to admit we indeed have a serious problem with the way women act and present themselves. Lack of tznius standards and enforcements has never been an across the board agenda until now. Just like Hurricane Katrina and the earthquake in San Francisco were caused by the immorality of those places, the Jewish community has been hit with everything from child molestation scandals to the shidduch crisis due to the immodest ways of women in every frum community.

No longer will sheitles be allowed

No longer will we tolerate such disgusting things as heels

No longer will we allow women to talk on cell phones in public

We have formed a committee that is responsible for administering the legislation proposed by the Chumra Research Institute, this committee will also be responsible for enforcing those laws and regulations through a special police force that will work with the local vaad hatznius to crack down on tznius offenders.

Apply to be a member of the Tznius Police:

In order to become a member of the Tznius Police you will go through a rigorous back round check that will include everything you have done since the time you could walk. Before you apply you should know that even the slightest infringement upon the laws of tznius will disqualify you from being a tznius police officer.

For men:

If you walked around naked past the age of 1 day besides for at your bris

If there are pictures of you at your bris

If there are any naked baby pictures, especially of you in a bathtub with your sister (we may have to put you into the list of people who are posel aidus)

If you were caught looking at a women for any reason other then to scream at her for being improperly dressed (you shouldn’t look at her – you should just have beat her with your gemara – which shouldn’t have been artscroll because they are red and red is untznius)

If you went to a coed nursery school

If you were not dressed like all of your siblings until the age of ten

If you were not dressed in sailor outfits on shabbos
If you ever talked about another women in any situation (even your parents friends)

If your parents and parents – parents do not meet the criteria.

If your siblings do not meet the criteria

If you were not considered the best boy in Lakewood at one time

If you bought non-heimishe branded ketchup or similar products

For a women to become a research analyst with the tznius police you must:

Understand that jobs for women are untznius but you will work for free to serve your community

Understand that unlike a regular police officer you will not get off of tickets issues for shorter then regulation length anything and longer then regulation sheitles

If you do not shave your head at least once per month

If you have ever used makeup or any other beautifying device such as deodorant

If you ever wore pants under your skirt (you will be blacklisted)

If you ever wore pants as a baby

If you ever wore red as a baby

If you read modern orthodox cookbooks such as kosher by design which are clearly written in an untznius manner

If you were ever told to get to the back of the bus or rode in a non-mehadrin bus

Other similar posts:

Separate lines at the grocery stores

Children’s games to help wage war on pritzus

Bike lanes are not tznius