So I’m at shul this weekend in Dallas, at the only large shul I have not been to yet and all is going well. The people are the coolest, most interesting and most normal of any shul as I have yet seen – and there’s a hot kiddush after shul. In fact I will give the Dallas Jewish community (which is made up of a bunch of breakaway shuls) kudos for always having hot kiddushes and having great cholent.
So I’m standing in close gaurd by the cholent table and a bunch of little kids armed with spoons and bowls are ready to pounce on the 3 pots of steaming hot cholent when this women standing by the cholent notices me and says I cannot take yet. She is worse than a kiddush bouncer, she is a kiddush food distributor I would find out in a few moments.
Suddenly the Rabbi finishes one of those kiddushes in which he pauses a few times in the middle to make sure that “everyone” is in the room, and there are bowls being shoved in every direction. It appears that I cannot take myself, and in fact have to wait for a woman with a mean scowl on her face to ladle me some cholent.
Not only can I not pick around for meat, potatoes and kishke, she is frowning at me for jumping over little kids and shoving other bowls out of the way to get my portion. I finish my portion and come back only to be deflected by what I have termed the Cholent Nazi comparing her to the famous Soup Nazi from Seinfeld.
Even toward the end of kiddush when people start to pick at the crumbs of cakes and the lone noodles from luction kugel the cholent Nazi stood proud and marked her territory still not allowing me to get my own cholent and just pissing me off.