Different ways to respond to shul talkers

How can one respond to non-stop shul talking? Is there really any way to stop it, or will it go on through all the pauses and bimah clops forever. Here is a list of the different ways that shuls have tried to stop the talkers.

The traditional bimah clop – doesn’t work too well because its used for everything from morid hatal to a signal to start singing mazel tov, I wonder if the clop makes people stop talking and start inserting random prayers into the davening?

Nuuuuuuuu!!!! – this is usually done by one really irritated member of the shul who just cant take it anymore, lets just thank the Lord that the folks in Texas are laid back because they are all gun nuts.

The davening or laining pause
– is this even allowed, I never understood how the chazzan could just stop laining or chazaras hashas to hint to the talkers that it was getting bad. Its usually the rabbi who signals with an angry hand gesture to stop and start. Immediately after the chazzan starts up again the talking begins.

The Good Samaritan – this is the guy who walks up to the talkers and humbly says something like, listen guys why don’t you just take it outside? This guy is always ignored, I feel like they want to tell him to just daven and leave them alone but they don’t, they just ignore him.

The mussar guy – this is classic in a yeshiva setting or frummy shul, this is the person that uses the power of halacha against the talkers. Things like the mishna brura says its better not to come to shul then talk during shul or random mussardicke things like you are going to rot in hell for eternity if talk in shul and that sort of thing. I feel like this is similar to telling someone not to push the red button.

The Rabbi – in very extreme cases the rabbi will actually intervene to shut the talkers up, although it’s usually done from his seat with a look of death or one of those stopping the baal koreh moves.

The contract – in the five towns there is a shul that made everyone sign contracts that they wouldn’t talk in shul, a little extreme but I guess it was a big problem.

The stare – usually done by the Rabbi as well to signal that he is getting pissed.

The kiddush club – many people don’t know this but the kiddush club helps foster sanctity in shul, at least until the revelers get back sloshed from single malt and smelling like matzchas herring.