Does growing your beard longer increase parnassa?

I have not been posting much lately due to the fact I have been running around NY for sheva brachos, wedding matters and trying to find places to sleep. I have also not been internet accessible for most of the time and therefore I apologize for not bringing you day to day material.

David I Reidy of Penn-State sent me this message on Facebook and it was hilarious.

I had an idea for a shtick about long beards. They are supposed to increase parnassa. I recently started holding to the Chofetz Chayim halacha on not shaving-I am not married and not dating so I realize that this is easier for me than it is for most people my age, but that is a different story-and I noticed that my need to change my shirt regularly has decreased, also decreasing my dry cleaning bill. My theory is as follows: my parnassa has been increased by the girth of my beard so that it prevents the usual parts of my meals that I would drop from ending up on my shirts and suits, prompting me to change them at a more socially apt rate. Thus, the longer your beard, the less you spend at the cleaners, the more time and money your have for lechayim on a Sunday night to be inspired to write random stuff like this. Frum Satire is gevaldig.