I have been in Texas a little over a week and already its growing on me, it may be the phenomenal mountain biking, kick ass skate parks or the fact I haven’t used my horn since I have gotten here- but I am having a ball. I was in shul the other night and was invited to a thanksgiving meal hosted by two brothers who live in my neighborhood- real friendly fellows so I said why not? After all I probably would have spent it by myself with a plate of steamed spinach and scrambled eggs, wondering if anyone loved me or not.
The county I live in used to be dry, as in no alcohol can be bought here, it isn’t anymore but some gas station owners still think it is. I finally found a place that sold beer and they wouldn’t sell it to me. But I will be 27 in a month made no difference to the defiant owners who said I looked awfully young and my license was out of state, I felt demeaned and to bat there was this super cutie also buying booze who who told me none of her friends ever had a problem- I wanted to say, I don’t think anyone with that body ever has problems.
Luckily there was a 7-11 across the street, you can always count on the Indians to sell you booze without citing legal jurisdictions regarding out of state licenses that were fake. I might add that I offered my passport which was in my car, but they refused saying in a nut shell that it was probably fake, they said I looked 17. Funny how I always look older when the deal requires you to be younger and younger when ID is required. I am consistently carded for R movies at those ghetto movie theaters that require ID at night because they reason that anyone over 18 is mature enough to leave the guns at home.
The friendly brown man behind the counter didn’t bother asking for ID and I felt like a kid again, a kid buying that porno for the first time and mumbling something about leaving my ID at home and clutching that paper bag so tightly so no one would know what treasures lay inside, they all knew I realize now, but then I figured I was slick.
I bounced off to my hosts and started fantasizing about food, after all thanksgiving is about robbing the Indians of their land, wait I just bought beer from Indians for 3 dollars more then it should have been, bastards!
So I get inside and all these firm manly handshakes are going around and I am not remembering anyone’s name but that’s fine. I hear some thick and not so thick southern accents, foot ball is on the big screen TV and it’s a regular old happens to be orthodox thanksgiving dinner atmosphere. I always find thanksgiving to be a little odd because when you sit down you just eat, there are no speeches, no divrei torah and no Kiddush or hamotzy, I kind of wish shabbos was like that. All the food served at once, no gefilte fish filler course to fatten people up with chrain and challah before the real meal comes.
I have noticed that men have real handshakes in Texas, you give a dead fish and I guarantee there will be some good old gay bashing going down later on. Even the old men give firm handshakes, such a pleasure. I meet a whole bunch of different folks and don’t remember any of their names, but I am overjoyed at the friendliness of everyone, I have been to family thanksgiving meals done by relatives of mine and I felt more comfortable at this meal then I did at relatives.
The people I ate by are real Texans, not the type that say “I wasn’t born here but moved as fast as I could” they are 8th generation Americans and very interesting to talk to, in fact everyone was very interesting. The conversation ranged to a bunch of people singing the song “Oh Donna” to who wrote Blazing Saddles with Mel Brooks, to the founders of the grocery store concept, to pawn shop diamonds, to new applications for the Iphone, to 5 terrabyte hard drives on sale for black Friday, to some other Richie Vallens song, to guns (these Texans love their guns)
Speaking about guns, everyone has a gun here, the people I ate by tonight own an arsenal. Its just a way of life for most folks, I have plenty of friends who own firearms and pack heat as well, but rarely is it talked about so openly- its enjoyable for I happen to be a gun fan and a believer of the “every Jew a .22” concept although I think it should be .44 magnums or something of the sort.
So it was buffet and I am sure you knew I would have to get to the food portion sometime. Turkey was phenomenal, these people are foodies, they did it right. Sweet potato with walnuts or pecans, cranberry relish. Not one but three kinds of stuffing. Bread stuffing was the best, then they had corn bread stuffing with or without mushrooms. To say the least I ate quite a bit, then for desert I had many pieces of Pecan Pie, pronounced pecaan not pecan.
I had a ball and hung around for over 3 hours chatting and listening to some interesting and funny conversation.