I was arrested last night

I blew a red light coming off the Queensboro Bridge into Queens and for the first time in my life was pulled over in New York City. Next thing I know I am being told to step out of the car and that I am under arrest. I found the whole situation hilarious having been arrested only once for jumping a turnstile when I was 16.

So I got out of he car all the whole thinking, “you have got to be kidding me” but my license was suspended for something I worked out but obviously the little town court hadn’t. I was laughing the whole time and when back up came – because there weren’t any donut shops near by, the other cops were telling them that I had never been arrested – my turnstile jumping days remained a secret because all I got was handcuffed and a ticket, but no night in jail.

I have no idea how people can stand the back of cop cars. My feet wouldn’t fit and ironically I couldn’t put on a seatbelt which is against the law, and my hands were behind me, so I began to wonder how people with bad eczema or poison ivy could handle such a situation.

I got to the police station and they threw me in a holding cell while they took care of paperwork. I had used my cell phone to call my brother who for some reason was awake – so he could pick up my car. He rolled on into the police station and had to wait for hours while I drove myself crazy in my cell.

The cell had one occupant besides for me. A 21 year old kid arrested for possession, who was telling me all about the system. He also asked me if I was going to bribe the cops to let me out because I was a rich Jew, I wonder if I was the first yarmulke wearer ever to be held in that station.

This kid cracked me up, he was 21 and he had an arrest warrant and 5 arrests for things like open containers and smoking weed under his belt. He told me that I should take the over of a desk appearance rather then a trip to bookings where I wouldn’t see a judge or food for two days. I was lucky you may say.

I wish I could say I was thrown in jail but I wasn’t, I did however get a taste of what its like, it drove me crazy. To put someone like me who can’t sit still and fiends interaction with anything all by myself in an 8 by 10 cell with nothing to do besides sleep or stare at the wall – it drove me crazy. I was only in for about 4 hours – but I was thinking about the Phish song Bouncing Round the Room the entire time. Silent meditation is not my forte.

Then my cell mate left and another guy came who spoke no English, friendly fellow picked up in a brawl. Then he left and another guy who spoke no English came in who was also in some sort of fight. It was all really interesting to me, I was fingerprinted, then some mug shots were taken and more waiting for paperwork. I figured it out, cops are so pissed off when they pull you over or arrest you because they know all the paperwork involved.

I must say my cops were quite friendly, I think my laughter helped diffuse the situation and my inexperience. I did start freaking out about my upcoming move out of Monsey and started wondering if God was trying to tell me to stay. I also wound up making money while I was in the holding cell, not from being someones bitch, but from finding 35 cents on the floor, I’m such a Jew.

Then I was free to go with a court date in February and a suspended license to deal with.