Yeshivish Real Estate Hockers

I’m in real estate is such a common saying in the yeshvish hocker slightly off the derech in that I have friends who are girls kind of way. I meet frum people who are in “real estate” so much that I begin to wonder what it exactly is that they do. Do these 23 year olds who are in the FDU program for yeshivish kids who need to finish college faster then at Touro actually own any properties? Are they full of crap? They always seem to have nice cars like an Infinity G35, and know what they are talking about – I can never figure it out.

Then I was talking with a friend who revealed something not so startling to me, in the world of yeshivish hocker real estate when people say they own “buildings” it usually means that they found an ad in the back of the Yated or Jewish Press advertising for low cost slum houses in Newark or Trenton.

Countless numbers of times I have found myself on the toilet reading the Yated, I always feel guilty reading about Chassidic rebbes while sitting there, but I always find myself drawn to the classifieds where heimishe offices are looking for sales ladies that speak Yiddish and are good with bookkeeping. You can also buy a bungalow colony, successful pizza store or bakery in Lakewood or investment property in some of the highest crime rate cities in the country.

I just love those ads that say Heimishe investment opportunity, buy delapidated abandoned homes in Newark to turn a profit, serious inquiries only, own your dream home today. Next time Yoily says he owns property- you can one up him and tell him about your “buildings” and how good of an investment it is.

I love when you see a bunch of yeshivish or chassidish hockers with their thick framed glasses standing in line at the bagel store and hocking about real estate. Always seems like the real estate guys can hook you up with whatever you need.

Almost seems like they are part of the bigger hocker industry as a whole that includes, matzo bakeries, lulav sales, used car leasing, sheitle machering, some sort of waiter business to supply caterers with off the derech high school guys as cheap labor and expedited passport services.