I used to fly back forth from yeshiva quite a bit, flights were cheaper then the train and every time we had an out shabbos quite a few of us yeshiva guys- sometimes filling more then half of the small planes that flew between Rochester and New York.
The planes we tarveled on were almost always propellor planes and almost always got caught in snowstorms. So while I fly well and I always had the thought that God would never crash a plane full of nice Jewish boys- regardless of the fact we went to a reject yeshiva- we were better then regular passengers- I would think.
There were quite a few times that I did teshuva on the plane. Sudden drops, turbulance or any unfamiliar noises would find me saying shema, some kapitals of tehilim and telling God I would throw out all of my porn, never think of girls and be a darned good Jew. All this while sweating profusely and trying not to let any of my fellow classmates see that I thought we were all going to die a fiery death. Well at least we would finally be able to see if thsoe plastic slides and ejecting oxygen tanks actually worked liked the stewardess said they would.
Then suddenly we would land and I would forget about all the heartfelt repenting that I had just done. Fast forward present day, I feel that this is how Yom Kippor and Rosh Hashanah plays itself out for most of us including me. It just doesn’t work out how its supposed to.
I clop my chest, sit around bored like crazy and then go home to bagel and lox. The next day I buy my lulav and then its back to normal. The end of Yom Kippor is always a let down, all that prayer and it just ends. Oh and I never really feel good about the whole thing.
This year I tried something new during Rosjh Hashanah that I am debating doing for the rest of my davening. I didn’t just mumble everything during musaf and davening- in fact I didn’t really daven in the traditional sense at all. I came to shul and talked to God the whole time- well besides for the time spent thinking of posts and trying to see over the mechitza.
It felt good having one on one chats with the Lord, I do this all the time, but I never did it in shul. I have kind of been trained to daven all this stuff that means nothing to me. You heard right “cleaving to my Lord while harkening to his word” never really meant much to me, it makes me feel like I am in church when I try to read the prayers in my own language.
I just don’t know about you, but repenting when I know I am going to do these things again makes me feel like an idiot- but I still do it anyway- whats up with these feelings? Do any of you feel like this? Have you ever done teshuvah on a plane?