It’s frummy week on frum satire

Well it may or not be depending on how I feel, but based on how I feel now, I am in the mood of making fun of frummies this week. So here it goes.

I was thinking about ways that you can tell someone is super yeshivish or frummy or whatever other label you want to give them, and I thought about washing cups. If you ever have the delight of staying somewhere and they give you your very own washing cup and basin to stick near your bed, you know your host is a frummy. Being that this has only happened once or twice I have decided that all of the people I have stayed by that didn’t give me a washing cup and big crusty bowl full of beard hairs and other floating things, were judged wrongly and I would like to ask mechilla.

Another way to know if someone is frummy is if they call junk food nosh. Maybe I am going a little out there, but in experiences, regular old modern orthodox folks just don’t use the term nosh to describe candy and snacks, they also tend not to use heimishe branded snacks, like leibers potato chips which should have come out with a kettle cooked version to keep with the times. Or how about those little yellow pretzel boxes that frummies love so much.

This is a freestyle post so pardon me if I change channels, but why on earth do all frummies have stacks of readers digests in the bathroom? I know times are a changing due to the influx of brainwashing propaganda like Binah and Mishpacha which are probably owned by the same people or the Shidduch magazine, I almost feel that frummies talk so much about shidduchim not because of the crisis, but because its the closest way that they can talk about sex. Because shidduchim leads to sex after all, just my thoughts.

What about shtenders in living rooms, no way you’d ever see this in a regular home, only frummies replace the TV with a bunch of seforim and a shtender. Then when you do find an English book its one of those frummy novels about some guy who needs to revenge his grandfathers death by tracking down some young kids that need kiruv and also happen to know where the murderer lives. Furthermore, all thsoe frummy novels are written in the exact same form as around the magids table or all for the boss- makes for a tough read. Once in a rare moon, if they have Lord of the Rings or Harry Pottor they are demoted to yeshivish modern and just aren’t frummy anymore.

Lets see if I can actually make frummy week happen…