I thought about this post while writing the investigative piece about Sarah Palin being Jewish.
I wonder what a Miss Lakewood or Miss Monsey competition would look like. What would the format be? Obviously only married women would be allowed, or is it not so obvious? After all I can only imagine that instead of a bikini contest they would have a tznius contest. You know almost the opposite, who could look the hottest without looking like a sheitle hooker. Or who could make the oiliest kugel? It would be interesting I say. Or maybe they could have a frummy Ironman competition. Hmm…what would that look like?
Miss Lakewood or Monsey or Borough Park
Shortest real hair
Most tznius skirt
Prepared for the time when the Rabbis make burqa’s the norm
Most aerodynamic turban
Frumpiest shabbos robe
Oiliest kugel or keegel depending on the location of the competition
Thickest most heart stopping cholent
Battle of the hemishe noodle dishes Shlishkes vs. Kasha Varnishkes vs. Luction Kugel
Water Challah vs. Egg
Who can make the fluffiest kenaidlach
Which women will have the fastest and most strict lettuce washing techniques
Who can actually get all the bugs out of a broccoli floret
Mikvah dunking efficiency
Knowledge of the nidah laws
Who knows the last 5 items to be banned by the Rabbis?
Do you interrupt your shmona esray if your child is screaming?
Do you know the latest chumros of the community? (such as a ban on arm swigning by women in Lakewood)
How many shidduchim have you made?
Have you ever yelled at someone who was not dressed appropriately?
Do you support at least one kollel family?
If you lived in Israel would your kids participate in shabbos riots?
Driving skills including, double and triple parking, picking up hitchhikers and the speed with which you can get your kids out of the car.
Wash and set sheitle
How fast can you fill up a shopping cart at the local kosher grocery?
Can you talk on the phone, pay for your groceries and play Jewish geography with the person behind you in line? (general rude yenta skills as well)
Questions: (to saving the whales or world peace being big issues)
What do you think is the biggest problem facing yiddishkeit today?
What is your solution?
What 3 items would you like to see banned in the coming months?
What are some questions you have come up with that should be included in the shidduchim investigation process?