I hear that plastic bottles cause cancer

I recently had a young lady friend in my car who became flabbergasted that my idea of recycling plastic bottles was to refill them and stash them around my car. She proclaimed that plastic bottles were made to be used once and after that they would undoubtedly secrete secret substances into my water and kill me eventually through a slow and painful plastic water bottle induced cancer. She said this as I stated that I had over 30 plastic water bottles in my car, soaking up the suns rays as the days of summer heated up the water that lay stagnant in my bottles lying in the usually empty front seat of my car.

I later found out that it wasn’t only the free plastic bottles that I had taken from peoples recycling bins that caused cancer. In fact those cool hip hard plastic bottles made by Nalgene that were all the rage a few years ago have already killed hundreds of unsuspecting hipsters and college students who wore them connected to their hips and frequently refilled them unknowing that their water bottles were secretly conspriring to kill them.

I have been on a crusade against plastic ever since, trying to get people involved because as most of you know EVERYTHING is made of plastic, even the cheese they use in many chain pizza stores has plastic in it- well at least according to the book Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser- a must read for any aspiring PETA activist. What all those people who serve water out of Brita filtered pitchers do? How about microwaves- geez- I grew up without a microwave due to my fathers fascination with radioactive waves and how everyone who has a microwave will die very soon.

Tell me are these plastic people kidding- I think its some sort of conspiracy, at least I want to believe that- The one thing I could never give up is my Camel Back- that would be too hard, oh and my back country MSR water filter only works with nalgene bottles.

Because I just can’t imagine the prices of bottles if everything went glass. Voss water is uber-pricey, and pelegrino tastes like flat seltzer to me.