Did you know that Breast milk is parve?

I learned in Israel for 5 months and one of the only actual Torah things I took away with me from that entire time was that Breast Milk and Humans (IE the kind that get eaten when your soccer teams plane crashes on a glacier) are parve. I learned this from the prestigious and hilarious Rabbi Orlofskly at Ohr Someyach of “all men are horny pigs” fame.

Why would I be telling you this rather disgusting yet interesting piece of useless information?

Well because my buddy Sara Silverberg (who wished to be mentioned- so the next time an old flame googles her- they can see she’s pregnant and obviously not interested in them) is pregnant and I feel such an affinity for her – well maybe just her food – but its close enough, that I felt I could talk openly about my business ideas for marketing parve products made with breast milk.

Shavuos is coming up and as we all know it’s time for cheese cake, as we also know the dairy market is going nuts and causing prices to fluctuate wildly. Pizza is three dollars a slice causing frum families to panic because the whole point of living in NYC is so that they can have something “kosher” and cheap to do on a Saturday night.

Considering that Shavuos is coming and dairy prices are still very high, I think its high time for some progressive business ideas. Cheese Cake made of breast milk!!! Now I know what your thinking, man you are one sick f— what is wrong with you. But its not like that, first off cow milk comes from the udder- the udder is just a longer more glorified version of the breast, Go watch them milk cows and come back and tell me you were not somewhat disgusted.

There are many people out there, I happen to know some of them, that feel having milchigs on any hoiliday is too “modern” or “kipa sruga” for them. My old rebbe Sroya comes to mind- he would brag about being a meat and potatoes man- especially on shavuos. They also have a lot of kids and a lot of time to “milk” the cows so to speak.

We could expand into other industries, like organic, non pasteurized- since its straight from the source and its buying local. I for one have always been a fan of buying local- in fact I have always debated just buying local produce and products- especially as the prices equal out and shipping costs rasie the prices of all that stuff that comes from Central America.

Parve Ben and Jerrys for all of you who miss it- due to your conversion to the cholov yisroel lifestyle. Think about it!!!