Find my shidduch poem- taken from a frumster profile

I met a dude this weekend- that said he wrote a poem and put it on his frumster profile. He gladly gave me permission to post it here. Who knows maybe he will get some dates. Yes its corny and may I say it sucks- sorry Noah, but its clever and funny and he’s gotten great response. Thinking of doing one myself.

On a side note- if anyone is inclined to give me a Bio of themselves I can post it on my site- its no harm and with the shidduch crisis in full swign we might as well try and think of innovative ways to get those of you older then 21 years of age married- before you hit 23 and have to be called a nebach and move to the upper west side or Washington heights.

This is how I describe myself:

I’m a really nice guy, I like to eat pie.
I can be a little bit goofy If I don’t get it cut my hair will be poofy.
I’m growing spiritually, but also want a career, in Israel I would love to spend a year.
I’m spunky, little bit funky. I really enjoy food, I try not to be rude.
I graduated from law school, I’m considered a fool cuz I don’t talk in shul.
I like traveling and have been to some pretty interesting places, and met people from all different races.
I’ve been Shomer Shabbos for 5 years but I became much more frum two years ago when I was in yeshiva in Israel-o.
I view a career as a necessary means to adequately provide for my wife and kids so we can all be happy yids.
I have no intention of being married to my job. If that ever happens Ill just sob.
I am a sensitive guy with a soft spot for pets, if you don’t want to go out you’ll have regrets.
Hashkafa wise, I would consider myself to the right of modern orthodoxy. In Judaism I don’t like hypocrisy.
I used to live in Crown Heights, but now I get my thrills from livin in Kew Gardens Hillz. On this website I can not read emails, but I can get ims so Ill responds to you without fail.

This is what I am looking for in a mate:

I want a girl with a holy neshama, not some premadonna.
She’s gotta help me learn and grow and deflate my ego.
She can dish them out as well as take em’ and as for cookies she can bake them.
Must be from scratch or we may not be a good match.
She must have good middos, and dress tzniusly, not in Speedos.
She should realize that being frum is a joy and want to spread her love of Torah to every Jewish girl and boy.
Early in the morning when I wanna stay in bed, shell inspire me to get to minyan instead. Shell go the extra mile cause shell be an Aishes Chayil.
She should smile or I might deny her profile.
She won’t frown cause Ill keep the toilet seat down.
I would like someone who is laid back who I can chill with, I am very honest thats no myth.
I really enjoy food, I try not to be rude.
If you are a great cook it is a big plus, we should have plenty to discuss.
I am a pretty good cook myself so if you aren’t I can be the teacher. Ill try not to act like a preacher.
I wear a black hat on Shabbas day and Friday night, I hope you are not uptight.
I used to live in Crown Heights.
But now I get my thrills from livin in Kew Garden Hillz.
Congratulations, you finished reading this very long paragraph.
I hope you enjoyed it and perhaps it made you laugh.
Now just one question remains, could you be my other half?

Want to contact the author for a date? email Noah at