How spot a BT fresh off the boat

All I can say is that I was sitting in some random basement shul when I thought of this post, I then went into my brain and wondered why I had never written this post when it is such an obvious good topic.

How to spot a newly minted BT:

Guys:

When they called up to the torah they have no idea what name to say “Yehuda ben Josh” or maybe they say their English name when the gabbi asks “nu what’s your name?”

They never think the mayim achronim water is enough and get up to do a full hand washing;

They say daven with an Israeli-esque accent;

They use their finger to read during shmona esray and are always the last man standing;

They say Baruch Hashem way too often;

When leading benching they always include baalas habayis as well;

Ticheles starnds in their tzitzis;

BT’s are some of the few people that will wear a jeans and t-shirt with woolen tzitzis worn yeshivish style at their sides;

Ever notice the panic that sets in at the bima when the bracha sheet is missing?

They always insist on making their own Kiddush;

They have manners;

They don’t talk during davening;

They wear a tallis like a scarf;

They wear a talis whenever they are in shul even if they weren’t assigned some sort of task that needed one to be worn;

They love wearing enormous yarmulkes, I would call it “yarmulke envy” because they went so long without wearing one, they need to make up for it. Sometimes they are more likely to resemble Imams for they wear those huge white ones and love growing their beards.

Notice that they haven’t figured out whether to pronounce words with a “Tuf or “Suf”
A woman will have her hand out for ten minutes before the BT decides what to do;

Overextended bows for everything that needs bowing, appears as if they will suffer from whiplash or a broken back because of it;

They always think that’s its inappropriate to look women in the face when talking to them, and sometimes ignore them all together;

If they happen to become frum through chabad, they use words like manifestation a lot;

They always seem to be concentrating immensely on fully extending their pinky during hagba;

They still think that Hebrew national is kosher;

They still think that orthodox Jews do it through a hole in a sheet;

They also still think that Rabbis bless the food to make it kosher;

They are scared to walk outside on shabbos because they may kill a bug or worm;

When they miss yale vayavo you can sometimes hear them say “oh shit” in the middle of davening;

They don’t yet realize that talking about sexual topics; cursing, etc… shouldn’t be talked about in front of kids and Rabbis. I have seen this many, many times.

If they realize that they are davening shmona esray they wrong way, they will jump and turn to the right way in the middle, while trying to keep their feet together;

You can hear them clop for selach lanu from across the room;

They misuse yeshiva-Hebrew terms very often;

Every time they are going to do something they say G-d Willing- but it just doesn’t sound right;

They freak out whenever something appears to meat and is served with cheese, it can become violent;

Girls:

“Oh I don’t do that anymore its untznius”- it could have been something like playing the violin, sports or painting, they usually give up their passions in the name of tznius;

They come to shul for shabbos mincha;

They love to brandish other girls for their low necklines;

Blue Fringe is their favorite band;

They burn all their untznius clothing;

They throw out all of their secular music;

They all go through some phase when they wear those button down shirts with the top button done up;

They have not realized that all their pre-BT wild sorority girl pictures still up on facebook are a problem;

They still hug their guy friends instinctively;

They stop wearing red, at least at the beginning of their road to teshuva;

They want to have at least 10 kids;

They move into a family’s basement and baby-sit the kids all the time;

They get a job teaching at their local day school;

They work for Gan Izzy in the summers;

For some reason girls are worse at learning how to say “Ch”, they still say Hanukah;