Do you have elevator rage?

I would say that the beginning of this post is geared towards people who live in apartment buildings, or work in places where the elevator gets crowded. Elevator Rage, we all get it from time to time, and the reactions are interesting every time. I grew up on the 8th floor of an apartment building on the upper west side, quite frequently the elevator has hold ups usually related to large Jewish families crotzing around as my old ma likes to say though I prefer to use the term hocking. It is also frequently held up by insensitive snobby bastards who feel the need to chat up the old lady from the second floor about how her yoga class for seniors is going. It could be multiple reasons, nevertheless its usually held up for nonsense, and you cant do jack about it.

My father bangs on the glass, as if someone on the 16th floor will hear his gentle pats on the glass and realize his pleas to hurry up. He will bang with his palms a few times, curse under his breath and then knock on the glass, maybe he is trying Morse Code, a few bangs later he may get a response of strollers entering the elevator and a few cries and suddenly its here and he would attribute it to his ability to slap the glass and send his ghetto Morse Code up to the bastards who cant get the angle on their baby strollers straight- to fit more then one in the small elevator.

The worst is when people decide to have a chat, it always happens, and in the small bubble above my head I always envision grabbing the women with the dog and throwing her out of the elevator and screaming obscenities at her- instead I stand quietly boiling with rage, kind of like road rage, except everyone does not get to where they are going at the same time.

Then you have the button pushers, for some reason people feel that if that elevator is taking so long, the computer forgot to register their original button push, so they just keep pushing the button, always interesting to see them hold the button put their ear to the glass, maybe slap the glass and start rapidly pushing the button and saying, man what the hell is the hold up?

I personally am what they call a walk out, if I am stuck on some floor with people chatting or screwing around with gift baskets, because the people who live on the upper west side have nothing better to do with their money then buy overpriced secular shaloch manos, which are left with the doorman. Basically gift baskets of wine and cheese wrapped in tissue paper, and to imagine that someone is charging $100 for the wrapping of a couple pieces of cheese and wine, throw in a free delivery with the Mexican laborer on his bike and boom- you have the UWS gift basket awaiting the person #7F on the door mans desk. So I leave the elevator mid-ride, I just say screw it, I am out of here.

The walker-outer like myself can also be changed into the walker upper. In my building you have people who take the elevator up to the third floor, even though it takes twice as long and the elevator rage is just not worth it. I tend to wait for a few minutes and then I run up the stairs, yes I am out of breath and coughing up blood by the time its over, but I have a severe case of impatient for stupidity.

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