It was my mother’s yertziet yesterday and as I was saying kadesh I remembered how not so long ago I was really embarrassed to get up there and bust out the kadesh, or sit in for yizkor. It isn’t easy being the only kid in yizkor or saying kadesh. People are looking at you and whispering, I can almost see them debating amongst themselves trying to figure out who in the family they are saying it for. Then of course I would always finish yizkor earlier then all the old folks and want to hang out with my buddies outside of shull, oy the embarrassment of walking out and pretending that you were in shul for some other reason then yizkor.
So I was saying kadesh and I noticed that these other two kids were also saying it and instantly there was this unspoken bonding, kind of like when I used to be saying my yizkor and a quick look around the room revealed to me that there were other folks who had full heads of non-white hair. Usually there would be nods and slight acknowledgements thrown out to each other. As if we were saying, “dude who you saying yizkor for.” Followed by a “no way, you too?”
I guess all I am trying to say is that I have grown up and long to say kadesh and yizkor for my mom and decided o write a post about my that aspect of my life. May her neshama have an aliyah, Esther Gittel bas Yechizekal.