First time on a plane…

…Since 2003

I have not been on an airplane in 4 or 5 years, cannot really recall when I cam back from Israel, so its one of those. My buddy insists it was 04 and I think it was 03, so until the mystery is solved, I’ll leave it at that. A lot of things have changed since I flew last, and I am now even more satisfied with my choice of driving rather then flying, which used to be a quick painless process and has become a pesky annoying “sir you will have to take your shoes” off affair. Gone are the days of 15 minute check ins, well unless you are flying first class. Flying is way more terrifying in a time crunch long line kind of way so the Jihadists have sort of had their way haven’t they?

Shoes must come off, all liquids are discarded and laptops must be removed from their cases. Great, of course the flight attendants are also bitchier then they used to be, it used to be pleasant. It was an “oh let me get that sir” experience and it has become a “sir I told you to put your seat back” affair. I hadn’t even noticed the flight attendants doing their shtick with the yellow oxygen masks and the slides they always have in the emergency brochures that look all too fun. I oubt anyone who just survived an airplane crash says “weee” as they slide down the yellow slide from the exits located at 4 points on this particular aircraft.

In fact I find it kind of ironic that putting my seat back to its upright position, which is nearly the same angle it was before, is going to save my life in the event that we skid off the runway, at least I will die without a cramped neck.

The ice cubes in my drink were a lot larger making it harder to get the whole cube in my mouth and forcing me to get to work on mining possible sucking candies from the mother lode. Hey what happened to pretzels and peanuts?

Dare I say that there has been one improvement to the entire flying experience, and that is the invention of the Ipod, which had been invented or popularized since I flew last, and I had a pleasure searching through my 60 gigabytes of music and watching my three movies on the tiny migraine inducing screen. On the way back I rigged it so I could watch it like a normal screen by wedging it between some loose chair fabric on the seat in front of me. I just hoped it wasn’t that persons flotation device I was messing with.

The one thing I did notice was that despite all of these measures taken by the TSA which appear to be the folks who couldn’t get the hotel dishwashing jobs and don’t appear to speak English, and tend to favor Spanish and Street language or Ebonics whatever you may call it, is that they missed the fact I was carrying 80 ounces of liquid in my camelback. If I can get through the “tough” new measures put in place by Mr. Bush, I wonder how much Mr. Jihad can rock through with. This happened on both ways, I merely tucked the little straw in and while they threw out my half drank water bottle, they missed 80 ounces, hard to believe eh?