Tribute to Chuck Norris and the Bowflex Commercial

All this talk about Chuck Norris gave me this idea:

I can remember vividly when I was a kid staying up late on some random night to watch TV, at about 1 in the morning or so, there was never much on. I used to try my hand at Bevis and Butthead, and maybe some random My So Called Life episodes, when that got boring(despite the fact that a young Claire Danes was the hottest thing alive) and it always did because I never could understand what was so funny about Anthrax music videos that entire cartoons were devoted to it, I would whip out my trusty remote and begin to flick around.

In the days before solid blocks of Seinfeld and Fresh Prince reruns there was not much on besides Matlock, Murder She Wrote and shows that talked about migratory water fowl. While I may find shows talking about migratory waterfowl interesting in my adulthood, I could never stomach long drawn out shows with a Ben Stein- like voice droning on in the back round.

Then I would turn a channel and there would be Chuck Norris in this little tight muscle shirt with short shorts, helping out a good-looking-at-first-glance-before-you-notice-the-muscle-boobs-and-veiny-legs-woman. They would always be somewhere in California exercising by a pool on the amazing Bow flex and for some reason I would sit mesmerized by the scene. Maybe in back of my mind I was hoping that it would turn into some pornographic exercise session, or I had enough of Jessica Fletcher and her curly hair that always looked like a wig- but I could always count on Chucks part time job as Bow flex user to keep me entertained.

The only other infomercials that I truly love are the over priced Time Life Music Collections that apparently cannot be bought anywhere else besides by dialing the 800-number flashing on the bottom o your screen. I have never actually bought anything off an infomercial, but I am sure countless Midwestern housewives going through tough marriages have sat and watched as Dion and the Bellmonts sang runaround sue and remembered their high school prom and once the advertisement offered a free life time supply of mini paper clips if ordered within the next 15 minutes, did they jump up from their sagging, plastic covered, green couch and frantically dial the number fearing that since they were not in the eastern time zone they would not receive those colored paper clips, that would eventually kill one of her kids through a choking accident.

The thing I liked best about these CD set offerings was that they showed you what all the artists looked like. I had always wondered who was the voice behind My Girl or what Roy Orbison Looked like. They also showed you old time concert footage- which was even better when it was a disco offering- nothing gets me in the mood of dancing like some lines of coke, parachute pants, a few Afros and Kc and the Sunshine band.

I look forward to hearing about your late night TV and infomercial experiences, in the comments section.