I will be going away on a solo road trip for a few weeks- so if I do not respond to comments, emails and facebook messages as quickly please do not get mad. There are two firsts for this trip, due to the blog I am bringing my computer and I just bought a digital camera so I may share some pics with you if I can figure the darned thing out. My destination is really nowhere- I would like to go back to Idaho since I have only been there once, I have two bikes, and enough food and camping gear for several weeks. I will be God willing in Minneapolis this shabbos and then I be meandering along- wandering in its fullest extent.
I am kind of still working on this post- but I really liked it so I figured I would put it up since I probably wont post for a week or so. I am also working on a holiday pickup lines post- since it is holiday season again- and yes it will be just as corny.
This post corresponds to this post
Modern Orthodox Liberal:
You know milchigs isn’t the only thing I eat out?
My srugi may be small, but don’t judge me by that.
Don’t worry I won’t make you go to the mikvah.
I am shomer negia; shomer what I am negia.
I hear you’re a doctor, wanna have sex?
C’mon did you “really” come here to daven?
I was the hottest NCSY advisor you know?
You were so the hottest girl in
I love a man who can quote Avi Weiss.
Modern Orthodox Machmir:
Hey didn’t I used to see you at the Brookdale Hall meat market?
You think the YU seforim sale is big?
I saw you at Sinai, through the large gaping holes in the mechitza?
I want to have your babies and live in Tenack.
I hope you’re as smooth as my suede yarmulke.
Wanna go on a shabbos walk?
I never liked the shomer negia song anyway.
Yeshivish Black Hat:
Wanna see my large print mesilas yeshurim?
Are you showing your elbows because your happy to see me?
My yarmulke is a size 6, you know what that means.
C’mon you know how bad his breath will be in the yichud room.
You look hot in that BY uniform.
I want to open you up like a Yated Neman, after shabbos dinner.
Can I be bodek you?
I can go fast like Subsational or slow like Dougies.
Your hat is so big.
Can I feel your tzim tzom?
I just love a man with a crushed hat.
We can sing yechi all night baby.
Oh I just love your individuality with that brown velvet yarmulke, wanna screw?
Your chitas is huge!!!
So can I see what’s under your kelipah?
Save some mashka for me.
21 year old guys with Smicha are so hot!!!
Wanna see my Tzivos Hashem tattoo?
Nu you vant to shtup?
Lets leave the zich out of vus titzich.
So have you heard of craigslist?
I can see my reflection in your scalp.
Let tati see you in that turban, only that turban.
Wow that robe reveals to me you are a woman indeed.
Your hand sewn seems remind me of that Madonna video.
My zach is bullet proof like your stockings.
You wanna roam the calm kallahs message board?
Can I twirl your peyos?
Why don’t you take off your bekishe and try some of my luction.
My head is not all that I shave.
Can I touch your streimel?
Were you at T n A’s on amateur night?
You don’t look like you have 10 kids.
They never said we shouldn’t touch your strawberries?
You can drive my car and I wont tell anyone.
How about going on a non-mehadrin bus with me?
You know I would never throw stones at such a lovely face, unless you happen to be driving on shabbos.
We can have our own little concert and I am sure it won’t be banned.
The denim ban was good; it was so hard to get those denim skirts off anyway.
I see you did not cross the street as I passed, wanna shtup?
I see you did not slam my change down on the counter, are you coming on to me?
Your shietle is so hot!!! I hope its not from
You bring the condoms, I’ll bring my tefilin.
So you want learn daf yomi before or after we have sex?
I may have to keep you past the morning z’man.
You know putting your head down for other things besides tachnun is ok by me.
I can give you plenty of mussar, afterwards.
Settlers and Hardcore Zionists:
Hey wanna see my caravan?
They call me the exterminator on the streets, but in the bedroom they call me Ari.
Oppress me like you do the Palestinians.
You can enter my
Make me explode like a kassam rocket.
You better last longer then the six day war.
Be persistent it like the na nach guys.
Show me the gun you used in
I call it
During my stint in the IDF my nickname was mattress.
Was that you in the Maxim IDF issue?
Lets roll play, I’ll be a Palestinian and you will be an Israeli soldier- you can dominate me all night long.
BT’s and Gerim:
Well since I am not officially Jewish I have chosen that sex should be the one thing I don’t keep.
You know what they say about Italian men?
I haven’t thrown away my sex toy collection yet!
I heard you can repent all your sins on yom kippor.
No I don’t care if your not interested making babies.
I’ll ask my rebetzin if tefilin can be used during sex, I don’t see why not?
So do you want to do it ultra orthodox style through a sheet?
Pour you other mayim achronim all over me.
I think the purpose of your peyos is to make a women feel good.
So did you get cut yet or are you still full size.
Can I feel your kibbe.
So do you enjoy eating Ka’ak?
I can beat you like I beat my wife.
Don’t worry just because I am ashkenaz doesn’t mean I don’t like hips.
I would love to taste your spicy sauce.
Gelila aint the only thing I do laying down.
Hey did they pick you out at hottie contest to work at Bissalla?
Baby if you like we can smear the burgers bar sauces all over us, I know the sfardim especially like the chimichurri.
I have the biggest car, house and boat in my shull. (also the biggest debt)
Of course I have a huge house in Deal.
I may work at Amazon Café, but its nothing like the Amazon down there.