Are your uf-ruf candy throwing skills up to par?

Have you ever seen two guys get into a fight only to be pulled off one another by their supportive friends? Each guy goes back to his group and gives you a BS play by play of how he would have kicked the other guys ass had they not been pulled apart. It is almost guaranteed that each guy will claim victory and each guy will claim how much better they are then the other guy.

For folks in frum circles bragging rights and play by plays are most common at uf-rufs and bar mitzvahs when all hell is leashed as it rains down candied projectiles shot out mostly from the mens section with the women proving their weakness by making it just beyond the mechitza but rarely to the bima where the target stands, usually guarded underneath the gabbis talis.

Pre-game is always the same. Small groups of men wait as some little kid goes around with a basket of zip locked bags of sesame bars, peanut chews and Sunkist candies- handing them out to all the folks that seem unlikely to eat the missile before it is launched. The men try and take extra, claiming that their kids have not gotten any, but really it’s just so they have more missiles to launch at the target.

Then the strategy is broken down, some men like to aim for the head and usually miss, while others choose to go for the back or the rib cage- a likely but less impressive hit. It is very uncommon but once in every Yovel cycle someone has the force to knock a bar mitzvah kid down. In fact recently the knock down factor has been higher leading shull authorities to research into whether any of the candy throwers were on steroroids at the time. They have also found that many of the bags that have knocked a bar mirzvah bochur down have contained solely sesame bars and have been devoid of the cushion providing Sunkist candies.

The Rabbi always has to make sure that no one launches early and tells everyone when to fire away. When the signal is given everyone starts to lob mostly falling short or overshooting the bima entirely. Some of the more desperate men who want to leave their mark on the person getting pummeled will go up and grab more bags while the small children scurry around on the floor. They will then return to their posts and continue the onslaught.

Afterwards, no matter what type of shull you go to- every man will claim to have hit the dude in the head. Or say things like “I think he yelped when I hit him” or “man did you see that red mark I left on his neck” All BS stories of course, but nevertheless they will be told every time this sort of event happens.

Check out this post which is also about the same subject in a more story like context.