Do you have S.A.D.D. (shull attention deficit disorder)?

Do you have SADD (shull attention deficit disorder)?

You have read the shull announcement sheet 5 times, but still guard it against any folks who seek to borrow it;

You hoard those torah email sheets from the OU and random places in Monsey so you have a stack of parsha thoughts from the last 5 months;

You know exactly why Viewpoint magazine exists;

You can scream out the dates and times when the president fumbles during their announcements for the week;

Your shull has not changed the bulletin board in weeks yet you walk out of shull and read it for 15 minutes every shabbos;

You look forward to the time when they do put a new newspaper clipping or thank you note on the bulletin board;

You carefully select your seat based on ability to keep switching the direction you cross your legs, the view the Rabbi has of you sleeping during his speeches, the view over the mechitza, and the ability to keep walking out of shull at every episode of SADD;

You leave shull at the appropriate time to avoid getting any jobs handed out by the gabbi;

You pass over any offer of hagba and claim old football injuries, but you just don’t want to have to sit with the Torah for many moments of Israel and America prayers;

You do not have kidney problems yet you have gone to the bathroom ten times during shachris on shabbos;

You do shnyim mikra v’echad targum- just to keep busy during laining;

People give you strange looks because your staring over the mechitza and the women are those 80 year olds with white doilies;

You shuckel extra violently to keep from falling asleep;
It’s the only time you learn tanach and really get into it as you can compare the stories to something out of Braveheart;

During an uf-ruf you pick up bags of candy that fall near you, even though you have kids who are also doing it;

You pace the back of the shull during every lull;

Finding a full real newspaper left over by a janitor makes your day, even though it is 3 weeks old;

You find yourself cheering when you realize there is no speech after musaf;

You moan when the rabbi busts out one of those pre-haftorah run downs;

Shabbos is the only time you daven all the halleukahs, uz yushiur and hodu- since you have to fend off your boredom during laining as much as possible;

You find old copies of the Yated and feel like you discovered the holy grail;

You speak to people during shull you would never speak to during the week;

You are a shull talker and the founder of the Kiddush club;

During laining you can be seen flipping through the pages to see how many are left;

If you walk in late and they are not up to laining yet, you ask someone whats taking so long;

In shulls with folding shtenders in back of seats- you are constantly playing with them, folding them up and down listening to the high pitched squeak until someone always tells you to be quiet;

Do you look through people talis bags in the drawers underneath the benches hoping to find something interesting?

If there is no Kiddush after davening you fall into a deep depression, since you have nothing to look forward to;

I will any suggestions add to the list if they are good: