Shidduch Woes: This date insulted me multiple times

So a few weeks ago I get a call about a girl from a guy I rarely talk to, says she’s perfect and to tell the truth she sounded like one of the more interesting ones in a long time. Happens to be that almost every date I go on- I understand why I am there. I have not been on a too many “what the hell were they thinking” dates. I guess having eclectic interests has its high points.

So I call the girl and have this amazing two hour long phone call all about the stuff we both love to do- mainly biking. For the first time in my life I am having a conversation about bikes and biking with a frum girl who knows exactly what I am talking about and loves biking just as much as I do. I was floored, I have met frum girls that bike- but not who were sponsored and had the opportunity to race.

Of course this girl is a BT if you have not guessed, but during college she raced mountain bikes and road bikes. In fact she still rides road bikes competitively and she currently rides a bike that cost as much as my car, makes me drool thinking about it. Not only does she dress tznius all the time including during hiking and biking- she has found a company that makes biking skirts and she wears long sleeves. I was shocked to say the least and very excited to go out with her.

I don’t go on that many dates, it may seem like I have been dating a long time- but I have only been dating since I was 24 and I have been out with maybe 12-15 girls- I lose track. So a date for me is a big deal, unlike the folks who are serial daters that get to date every night of the week- like my brothers and sisters in New York.

We set a date and I willingly drove 3 hours to meet her, since near by there happened to be this park I have wanted to ride in for years. I wasn’t going to see her till the afternoon so I went on my ride and then took a shower in the sink of a gas station. First impression was- good body, cute face- very extroverted my type of chick. In fact this girl was almost the perfect girl if not for this… I am going to rant now so beware.

I would never tell a date that I am not interested in roundabout ways to their face. On the phone call afterwards we can be adults and state why we were not for each other. For the first time in my life I was offended by a date. My date proceeded to tell me, not directly, but through many statements why I indeed was not for her. But it wasn’t just that, she was particularly insulting.

“I normally date older guys who are successful and well put together was the line she used in more ways then one.” I assumed she meant monetarily successful since I think I am pretty successful. She kept mentioning that she was from a privileged back round and that she was used to certain things. Was she trying to say that she wants a house full of fancy stuff that you cannot take to the grave with you? Was she calling herself a materialistic bitch? Was she admitting to being a Jap? The first extreme sports tree hugging Jap I have ever met.

“The last guy I dated was into all the same hobbies as me but he drove a fancy car, had a good job and dressed nicely” Are you implying that my Subaru with 256,000 miles is not good enough for you? Or that my lack of Italian designer clothing puts me in a different class? “I am into well put together guys” was mentioned at least 5 times. Jeez, you don’t have to rub it in my face- I assumed put together meant fancy, I am not into fancy things at all- save for free fancy food. I could have said I am into girls who dress like homeless people and have hairy pits, to enhance the situation I guess.

I was so hurt after date, less to do with what she said and more to do with “how many frum biker girls are there anyway?” It was uncivil and mean of her, I wonder since she was so nice and perfect in all other realms, her hashkafa, her interests, her attitude of life. I guess that’s why they say most marriages end in fights over money.

It did prove that what I was seeking exists and that I just have to find someone who appreciates the whole me, not someone who strives for social status and thinks monetary success is all there is to success.

Updated portion of post:
When I went to pick her up- we chatted for a few minutes and then she told me she had to do some shopping for her work and if I minded doing this errand with her. She proceeded to drive me in her car to the grocery store where we spent a couple hours before going to chill at a coffee shop- pathetic I know- but someone just alerted me to this missing piece of the post.