Shalosh Suedos breathylizer

If it were my decision I would force those entering shull for shabbos mincha to take a cholent breathalyzer test and see if they were fit to daven. If not they would be sent to a portable breakaway minyan for all those folks who hadn’t gotten lunch and the inevitable cholent stink off their breaths and out of their systems.

I have noticed that shalosh suedos was actually one of those things that has scientifically been shown to lessen the impact of the motzoi shabbos gas effects that many Jews have. Have you ever noticed that most shulls have pesach coke and warm unopened seltzer. If its cold by the way it tends to be flat, but warm unopened seltzer burns like scotch going down and it gives you that same tingling sensation as pop-rocks. It also happens to work like Alka-Seltzer and helps abate the indigestion of shabbos afternoon.

The pesach coke also acts in much of the same way, pesach coke is inherently more carbonated then coke from the rest of year. I almost feel that pesach coke was produced solely for shulls with crappy shalosh suedos meals (pretty much all shulls) in order that they can compete with other shulls for serving the oldest yet still edible foods.

Then you have the extreme situations when those who instead of gassing up have to crap it up. They ate too much at the Kiddush and then went home and pigged out and now they have diarrhea. Enter in kichel and matza. Two staples at shalosh suedos that are sure to stop those pesky liquid stool discharges that come creeping up on you as your throwing down one last piece of kishke. Kind of like a dam plugging up the hole.

Herring and fish balls which are another favorite at shalosh suedos meals around the country, the latter being more of staple in Yiddish speaking- alter kocker type shulls as a breath mint in some sense. I have written in the past of folks who have “cholent breath” as if they flause with strings of crusty cholent leftovers hanging out in the bottom of crockpots. This smell is hard to get rid of and I dare to say that herring and gefilte fish while being mildly offensive smells- tend to be much lighter in frangrance then the thick and dense smell of cholent.