Hallel on Yom Haatzmaut: just another modern orthodox stereotype

Mr. Ice Horse has alerted me to a dillema- 600-1000 hits a day on this site and only 51 votes- people you are really disappointing me. Please click this link and vote Frum Satire- the best in humor blog. My roommate came home last night and said they had said hallel for yom aatzmaut in shull- that prompted this post.

When I worked for the State Legislature I had to take a bunch of cultural diversity and sexual harassment type seminars in honor of the state bureaucratic mess. One of the activities was to name a certain group that people tend to have preconceived notions about and just blurt out things that came to mind immediately. So Asians would be mentioned and things like slanty eyes, chicken and broccoli and dry cleaners and samurai would come to mind. After this exercise we had to dispel our stereotypes all of which were true but in the politically correct madness we could never admit this.

This brings me to my thoughts on different Jewish stereotypes within the frum community. When you mention black hat or modern orthodox- certain things come to mind immediately- then after you gather your thoughts you may be able to sub-categorize these groups into things like modern orthodox machmir and yeshivish but with it. I have done many posts trying to bring you all the stereotypes and ways to judge different categories. I now bring you the excersize as if the state was giving the class on cultural diversity.

What are the first things that come to mind when someone says he/she is black hat or modern?

Modern Orthodox:
Knitted yarmulkes with the wearers name sewed into it, women in pants without head coverings, shorts on shabbos, learnng on peoples lawns on summer shabbosim, coed schools and camps, Israeli sounding names, women passing babies to men over the mechitza, women and men kissing each other on the cheek for greetings, NCSY, yeshiva university, shomer negia shrugged off as religious fanaticisms, playing ball in the park on shabbos, Vacation Village and Fire Island, Ramaz, Frisch, Yeshiva Flatbush, Moshava, Morasha, Stone, Mesorah, Hillel, Masad, eating milchigs out when away from home, action hero yarmulkes, hallel on yom haatzmaut, candle vigils for yom hashoa, either really fancy suites or khakis and a white polo for shull, low see through mechitza’s, shull sanctuaries void of black hats, excessive shull talking, yeshiva proms, upper west side, Teanack-NJ, Silver Springs-MD, Beachwood-OH, West Bloomfield-MI, Shabbat shalom, shavua tov, kol tov, raboty nivurech, G-d Bless you, living rooms without seforim, KBY, Hakotel, Shaalevim, Bravendures, achva, machach, Bill Clinton idolizers, Le Merais, fancy foods, pronouncing the suf like a tuf.

Black Hat:
Frummies, black hat, black velvet yarmulke, yeshiva guys, bais yaakov, single sex camps, separation of the sexes, very bright ties, black weekday sneaker type shoes, girls always in skirts, sheitles, woolen tzitzis, living room with cases to show of silver Judaic products and tons of seforim, English books confined to the little midrash says and chicken soup for the neshama, must have hilchos niddah set tucked under some old benchers on bottom shelf, shabbos snoods, pre-ripped toilet paper, peyos behind the ears, shidduch dating, kollel, pushy women with strollers, every man a beard, white beards= holy, Yiddish, herring, kichel, scoffing at modern, blue and fake wood paneled caprice wagons from the 80s, 15 seat vans with put the brakes on loshon harah stickers, not shayich, shaychis, hisorirus, musar shmuzim, separate seating concerts, siyum hashas, camps- mogen av, Sternberg, romimu, dora golding, morris, toras chaim tashbar, tubby, chedva, schools- chaim berlin, ner yisroel, chofetz chaim, Lakewood, torah vodath, things like seder and bein hazmanim which the modern only know about when frumming out in their year in Israel, mortgage brokers, used car salesman, Republicans, chop and nosh, big flieshigs, Boro- Park, Monsey, Lakewood, Toronto- in the south, Washington Heights- the bruers people.

I am sure many of you have instant thoughts that come to mind with the mention of these two categories- I will add whatever stereotypes you think of to the list.