Random Pesach Thoughts

Its pesach time and I have to crank out something in regards to the holiday besides some half assed articles about weed being kitnyot. So I figured I would just write random pesach thoughts.

I was thinking about the seders for blind people and if they actually give them hagadas or they just let them “read” the matzo. I cannot begin to imagine what the matzo actually says- I am sure it says something. Everything in brail must say something, like lets say you decided to push some old blind lady down for no apparent reason- I am pretty sure she would “read” the ground.

How about the fact that the song dayanu is like the universal Jewish song. No matter what sect or religious observance you are- you probably know the traditional dayanu song. Its also a great song to get you out of the upcoming lull before the meal. Yes the lull I am referring to is the magid portion of the seder. I love the story itself, and I am certain sipor-yetziyas mitzrayim is the mitzvah- but what is the deal with all the filler. It gets real old after a couple years. I wish they switched the order of the seder around to the meal and then while we are chowing down on food we can tell the story of how Charleton Heston split the sea and the Jews left Egypt.

I was one time sitting at my cousins in Monsey listening to the seder and one of the kids of about 16 years old said something about bitter herbs- he pronounced the silent H- which was totally weird. I never enjoyed seders, at the hotels they were okay because you got to stare at all the fresh meat sitting at the other tables- and I am not talking about burnt shank bones- I mean real fresh roast beef, brisket- you know- bais yaakov yet away from the “spies”. Though in my younger days I probably would have gone for girls who resembled a burnt shank bone or maybe cow intestines, now that I am comparing women to meat and entrails- though I really don’t want to see a woman’s entrails.

I remembered my aunt and uncles sidurim being like school. You read when it was your turn and you had to do a bunch of other stuff you didn’t want to. The language was thou’s and thee’s and all it spoke of was God smiting the Egyptians. The best part of the whole event was when we dipped our fingers in the wine for the ten plagues- this is how I knew we only had a little bit to go until the meal was to arrive.

My brother knocked an old out after he punched my brother in the face. This was in the famous Mt Washington hotel one pesach. This hotel is known for the founding of the IMF or something. So anyway- I had taken a whole plate of the only edible thing in the tea room- which was some ghetto version of heath bar crunch. This lady stopped me and told me that I was a greedy American- so I in my youthful attitude and lack of respect started yelling obscenities at her. This turned into my brother arguing with her and getting punched in the face by an old man. No one saw this of course- rather they saw my 18 yea old brother who is 5”4 punching a poor innocent old man in the face. I guess it didn’t help that my brother and I looked like hoodlums with our long hair and baggy clothes. My dad was furious and luckily we were too old to get beat up- because he for sure would have opened a can of whoop ass.

I can say I never got any shank bone action at any of my pesach hotel vacations. The whole fun of the whole thing was trying to meet the ladies. There were always some sort of do-able ladies usually younger and dumb and boring and multiple other things. This of course didn’t matter- all we (the guys at the hotel under 25) wanted was some shank bone, maybe some liver as well. There were always rumors about who was hooking up with who. It was also interesting because you got to mingle with a wide range of observance levels- most likely folks who wouldn’t have talked to you outside the confines of a boring first days at a hotel. My brother did score at a pesach hotel- he was 16 and she was 19- go Bro- you da man. She wasn’t such a fine piece of filet minion- but she wouldn’t be considered a burnt up shank bone either. No blood would need to be smeared to pass her over as we shall say.