I ha one of the most interesting and weird dates this past Sunday night. While on this most interesting date, which, thought that Starbucks sounded boring (agreed) and instead opted for a walk through central park when it was a mere 20 degrees outside. My kinda chick, opting for hardcore option, I was kind of hoping we could go skinny dipping in the Hudson I thought to myself when asking her out on a second date.
So there we are all bundled up, her in this lengthy white coat, one of those long paneled coats that if it were black could be mistaken for a winter bekisha and we are strolling leisurely through central park past the small pond that lies at the base of the “castle” otherwise known as the central park weather station. Suddenly a shady man walking in the park by himself- all men walking in central park at night by themselves in sub arctic temperatures should be considered armed and dangerous and probably looking for a jogger to rape and then hack them to death with his Cutco kitchen knife.
This man ask me very hurried if I have the digital time, digital time? Wow its time to F%$# with some crazy dude who wants digital time, I tell him that according to my watch which cost me $12 at Campmor that it is 9:15, but it hasn’t been checked with the Atomic Clock so there’s really no way to know how exact it is. Where did you correlate it to, he asks? Probably a local news radio or NPR something like that. He is wary I can tell, maybe its because we have stopped moving and we are freezing, my date is silent, I thin k she thinks I am nuts for talking to our soon to be rapist. Wait a second, she cant think I am nuts, just 5 minutes before meeting our rapist she proposed that we have a spitting contest off a bridge. I won of course, even though neither of us was able to hock a sizeable loogy, I had some built of saliva from looking at my date hehe and was able to spit farther and more than her. Ok, I can go on messing with rapist dude, she’s just as crazy as I am.
Do you know why having the correct time is so important? I ask the man, because one minute off and you miss the traffic report, they are very precise in this city, missing the traffic report can spell very stressful problems, damnit I should have taken the GWB is a common motion as you look in the car next to you at someone slumped over his steering wheel mumbling to himself at that first red brake light infusion that accompanies a traffic jam. “Oh but I don’t have a car, he answers.” It doesn’t matter, if you don’t have a car, you ever try to get through the Puerto Rican day parade on 5th avenue. The cops stop all walkers and if your impatient you end up walking all the way downtown just to cross the street. Try getting through all this shaking ass Puerto Rican chicks and floats and marching bands of police and firemen playing the bagpipes. It’s a freakin nightmare, he readily agrees and instead of tying me an d my date down and sodomizing us he runs off, his breath lifting into the frigid night air. I am thrust back into the mercy of my date and we continue on our craziness.
Just to note how hardcore or maybe just a showoff my date was. When I first told her Starbucks- since I really don’t feel like spending 20 bucks on dinner, she said that Starbucks sucked and offered instead that we go on a bike ride. Finally a frum girl who liked to ride bikes yay and in 20 degree weather even better. We settled on a walk through the park and like every single date ever ended up in Starbucks where my date ordered a cup of cold water and then a cup of hot water. Interesting eh.