The last Tam-tam

The tray is long and filled with crumbs and half pieces of crackers. Christmas lights that are strewn about the sukkah reflect off of the pan creating the illusion that more crackers fill the pan then one may think. This is unfortunate for me because I woke up today at 12:15pm after a night of deep sleep. I have made Kiddush on kedem grape juice featuring almost all of your daily sugar intake in each serving and need to complete this act with the traditional mezonos. What will it be a I think to myself as I scan the meager offerings. The hearty dancers have already been here, mowing down everything in their path, leaving only the saltine row intact and killing everything else, it looks like Hiroshima here, scattered about the place of detonation lie a few broken pieces of triscuts and other assorted taste-free delights. The Saltines are also scattered about as if the pirates who looted this tray left them in disgust as they felt the saltiness was too much to bear.

All of the sudden someone came up and grabbed a saltine and underneath I saw the greatest treasure of all. It stared at me from the lonely depths of the dented tin pan with the Christmas lights reflecting off its uneven octagonal angles. This octagon shaped cracker with small brown dots scattered about its surface was one of the best things that had happened to me today. I stared in disbelief as I picked up the cracker to study its contours in the most grave detail. Its slightly sandy surface had to be cleaned of all saltine residue. As well as the other crackers that had all been taken by the looters before me. As I was about to kill this precious morsel of food I noticed another half of cracker and picked it up. I felt like the Maccabees and a half, Not only had I found the last Garlic Tam-tam I had found an extra half of one. I stood there in disbelief of what happened next……….

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a vegetable tray, immediately adjacent to it stood the ever obscure yet famous large bottle of Vidalia Onion salad dressing. Gracing refrigerators in frum homes everywhere- this rather cheap yet amazingly tasty full of robust creamy flavor salad enhancer can be found at BJ’s and Sams Club all across the country. Conveniently coming in a large yet easy to use bottle it has become a favorite for dips all across the land, and this situation was no different except for my new usage. I poured a generous portion into a shot glass, and proceeded to slather this succulent dipping sauce onto my treasured garlic tam-tams and proceeded to enjoy the bounty that only garlic tam-tams can provide.

My life flashed by as the sweet sauce tickled my tongue, I let the salty garlic taste of the cracker fill my soul with that much needed mezonos goodness. I started remembering all those fond childhood memories of tam-tams with peanut butter and jelly, and all those shalosh suedos meals that were eaten by simply enjoying tam-tams with humus and matbucha salad’s. Or all those times when I used to accompany my father to the Kiddush clubs at shull and eat the creamiest cream herring in the world on tam-tams. These lifelong memories popped into my head and flashed by like someone on their deathbed only I was just eating a cracker to fulfill the mezoos portion of Kiddush.