So your standing there at the 79th street boat arena checking out the scene. There are hundreds of eligible modern orthodox singles to gaze at. Everyone is dressed to the tee- because who knows who will be there, maybe that quite guy you saw last night at OZ or one of your suitors from Jdate- whoever it may be this is the scene of the year. Everyone comes, even the frummies are here. Thats right boys and girls its Tashlich on the upper west side- I actually havent been for a few years, as I was in Alaska this year in back of a house built on stillts watching a man and his sons catch salmon out of the lake as they wondered what these crazies were doing throwing bread and messing with his groove as he tried to lure these fish to his boat.
So anyway it isnt just the UWS its everywhere, this massive social scene otherwise known as Tashlich. In Rochester it was acually interesting. One side of the lake was the orthodox scene and the other was the well “other Jews” You know the crowd of people who brought a bakeries worth of bread and are trying so desperately to keep their purple and green yamies from falling off as they throw the bread at the helpless ducks, they are probably wondering how the folks across the pond can throw bread and keep their yamies on their heads.
“Damn, those orthodox Jews sure do know how to wear their yamies.”
“Yeh I wonder if Taunta Esther could keep hers on that wel back in the day?”
I wonder why Tshlich progressed into such a social scene? Why not Kiddish Levana or Lulav buying? I always used to go with my old man down to Grand street on the Lower East side to buy the arba minim, I always hoped there would be some girls but there never were. It would be a great place to pick up chicks- you know offer your lulav and esrog expertise. Hey baby can I check out your lulav? Kiddush Levana is also void of the ladies. What do they have against looking at the moon. Its not like Tashlich is a chiyuv or something. You know these all have that whole time related thing going on.
I guess the whole throwing bread just causes people to feel the need to show their faces. Besides during kiddush levana you have to say a bunch of stuff over and over 3 times each thing- women hate that sorta thing. With Tashlich all you need to do is throw bread. Its also more conveneint for folks because weeding out the modern from the frummies is easy- purely based on bread thrown. You see bread throwing is only a new thing to get the kiddies involved- so the frummies dont even throw it. The more bread the less orthodox. You know Modern may have a couple peices- but you make your way down to the conservative crowd and immediately you are dumbstruck at the amount of bread, loaves of it. Oh and the farther you throw it the better your year will be.
I cant really think of any other required events that garner so much attention. Yizkor, but I hardly think its a social event.
“Hey Harvey, I thought Sprintza was still cooking?”
“Nah she’s dead.”
“Does that mean you have to make a donation now?”
“Vell I guess so.”
You would even think the burning of the chometz would be an event. You know OZ and Jewish Center can get together call it a bonfire/kumzits/singles event/not really a singles event/ burning chometz event. You know everyone gets to check each other out while a fire of old stela dora cookies and any other chometz served at shalosh suedos throughout the year goes up in plumes of smoke.
You know the burning of chmoetz and tashlich aint too different?
So I wonder why Tashlich was crowned king of the Jewish social scene?