Selling half eaten dinners at Dougies

I am alloted $39 per night for food by my employer as long as I am traveling for work, so why not splurge on greese ladden food, while getting to contemplate the frummy phenomina at the frummy famous Dougies.

The ride I could not stop thinking about, at the top of every climb, my legs burning, my wanton stomach begging for it and my mind contemplating what exactly I would order when the time came. I rode the whole race loop and was starving, aching, muddy and had specks of blood dotting my legs where the thorns from a close encounter with a very large raspberry bush occured. Another ten mile loop of rolling muddy singletrack, utilizing the full suspension bike I use to its fullest, oh the glory of the late day ride.

Blasting Niel Young bear shirted I come screaming into woodbourne. My legs are barely visible and look like marble cake, I am incredibly hungry and on a mission to Dougies. I am envisioning the empty eatery and me chowing down, the second I get out of my car I realize to my dismay that there are tons of teenage kids from different camps buying food. I fret a bit about the line and the frenzy that is taking place inside. Orders are being taken and yelling of the pickup is accompanied by the bug zapper. This holy grail is placed behind the counter waiting to kill the careless fly that wonders its way. The torture of the bug lasts instantly, but for some the sound of the zapping may be as horid as a simple crack of the knuckles.

“the super combo platter for me” I yell above a bunch of pretty littloe teenage girls trying to decide if poppers will be too fattening for them. Already drooling before my order comes, just thinking about the ribs, poppers and fries that make up the most expensive item on the menue. I wonder outside to see whats going on around the main Jewish street of the Catskills. Mommies wearing robes push strolers, chasidish men with hopping peyis scream into cell phones, young yeshiva guys smoke while text messaging their friends, girls scream “oh my gosh feigy did you hear about channi” at the highest decible level known to man. A young bocher stands outside dougies trying to hock passerby’s into signing up for a credit card that gives ztedaka every time you swipe. “Ill throw in a ten dollar gift card to doigies” he states as I pass. I strike up a conversation about the commission he’s making and what its like to stand around and hock with people all summer long. He asks me if I know of any good shidduch spots in the area- I give him the best one, and proceed to tell him to hook a brother up yo, moms a shadchun- representing I chant in my ghetto english.

Back in Dougies, 3 ribs, one grilled piece of chicken, 10 fire poppers and fries. Oh life is good, free food, a bunch of cutties sitting sitting next to me and tons of frummies to sit and watch. Camp Rommimu boys apparantly and Sternberg girls make up the crwod tonight. I notice the guys starring at the girls and visa versa, no one dares make a move. The boys speak loudly and show off their camera phones, the girls screech and talk about anothe girl who is vegetarian at the table. A crowd of pants clad girls garners the attention of the Rommimu boys, it also garners mine- its odd to see modern folks in this mine of frumminess. “Hey is that the super combo?” yep I answer wiping a smear of bbq sauce from my cheeks, at this point I have eaten two ribs and a good amount of everything else. My stomach begs me to stop and I will soon, “hey I’ll sell you the rest for ten bucks” I say, he contemplates for a couple minutes and decides to just buy the whole thing. Only in a frummy establishment can you try and sell a half eaten meal to someone, heimishe indeed. I have it packed up to go.

Once again I am outside talking to the credit card kids, and I decide to try and hawk my food to them, I am like a ticket scalper after the show has started. I end up getting 5 bucks from one of the kids who thanks me, because you cant get much for 5 bucks anywhere.

Maariv in the Sforim store and then home to my cushy hotel in Rock Hill.