Only in the Catskills

Only in the Catskills can one walk into a “fancy” resturaunt, pay $14.95 for a salad and have it served to you by a 18 year old kid wearing ripped jeans and a shirt that says “staff” in big block yellow letters on the back of it. The serving staff in fact would look like more like the roadies or sound crew for a Skid Row concert.

Country Cafe, Italian and of course you guessed it Sushi. Only the Heimishe can combine the delicacies Sicily and Tokyo in the same menue and not only get away with it but be asked for encore’s. Though the wait staff look like roadies, and there is someone vacuming in the back of store while paying customers eat $14 ceaser salads and sashimi, the bug free, child free, chasid free atmosphere is veryt conducive to eating, observing and writing down my sociological findings, while chukcling to myself at the sheer madness of the heimishe world. For me its kind of like the car mechanic- dont care what he does, as long as the end product works- just like food wear whatever you want just give me good food.

As a brown crock/bowl containing my onion soup arrives a heavyset heimishe couple sits down at the next table and begins to parouse the small yet adequete menue. Not bad I think as I try to prevent the stringy cheese from the crouton floating like an iceberg in the center of my bowl, from hanging down my chin. Do not order French onion soup on a date my friends- that cheese is a nightmare. The women side of the couple is asking the Israeli waitress if the veggie burger includes salad, it doesnt of course but the waitress says in a broken accent- of course, tomatoes, lettuce, onions- the toppings basically. When it arrives I tell her that I was going to say something- “If you see something say something” thats the NYC police way of catching terrorists. Uh I saw a person with a bomb, retards.

I notice the couple doing the casual “look around and see what other people are having” so I pipe in and tell them to go with the Eggplant parm- its mad good. They say they are on a diet and all of the sudden I find out this man taught in Manhatan Day school and the Jewish geography has begun. And their off. Jewish geography can be benificial, sometimes.

Lets retrace a moment- the $14.95 salad is for the normal one- in frummy terms it may seem exotic because it has this new hybrid veggie called sundried tomatoes- this simple inclusion allows the price to marked up 10 bucks- since they dont sell these at your average frummy market mountain fruit, Glatt Mart, etc..Hmm I wonder if they use real greens or power washed Selma greens.

I find out the couple is Lubavitch and ask them how akward the silence gets when someone strikes up a conversation with them thinking they are fellow Misnageds only to find out they reside in Crown Heights- they confirm the horror that fills frummies eyes as they try to get away from these heretics. Yes most frummies view Chabadnicks as heretics for some reason.

I know the reason- because Lubies are the only cool frummies. To be continued.