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Kiruv Rabbi Smackdown

On-the-kiruv-clown

Anyone who’s found themselves struggling with “the big questions” in their lifetime has listened to Avigdor Miller talk about the wondrousness of the apple and the orange and how you can see Hashem just by looking at them, has heard Noach Weinberg tell the story of the bike rider who was riding along when Hashem suddenly came out of nowhere and pushed him off a cliff and then flew down the cliff after the falling bicyclist to save him from getting hurt. You would have heard Amnon Yitzchak and Uri Zohar tell you how you can see Hashem in the fact they, such successful people in the secular world, became frum! Mah rabu masecha hashem! 

Let’s have a vote on which of the following rabbis delivers the best argument for seeing Hashem in the world: [click to continue…]

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Jewbellish Finally Makes the Wall Street Journal

Jewbellish

It’s taken log enough, but frum comedy is finally making the mainstream media. Wait! Did I just say mainstream media? I think I just gave away my years of listening to Rush Limbaugh.

Heshy’s an award winning stand up comedian with his own YouTube channel and then there’s David Finkelstein who manages to make fun of his frum dress code at a comedy club here but none of this was good enough for the Wall Street Journal, they had to wait for Mendy Pellin to parody Taylor Swift before they would cover the frum comedy scene. [click to continue…]

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Trip notes from the Kashrut conference.

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Last week I attended a conference for the Rabbinical leaders of the many “out of” towns in the US, hosted by the Star-K. There I met a few dozen of the rabbinical leadership and Vaadei Kashrus members from places that included Atlanta, Cincinnati, Columbus, Dallas, Indianapolis, Kansas City, LA, Northern California (where Heshy lives), Ottawa, Savanna, South Florida, Toronto, and other areas in the country.

The conference covered many important issues, although many of the participants focused on the relative merits of the iPhone 6 and the various flavors of Android phones; you know, what it says about how modernish they make you look.

Here are my notes of the three most important issues covered followed by the major takeaways for each.  [click to continue…]

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Is Oral Sex On Your Derech?

Jewish Oral Sex Flow Chart

Is oral sex mutar? Well it depends. See this flow chart to see whether it might just be allowed for you.

H/T Fred MacDowell. (What say you Fred gets his own column on Frum Satire already?)
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Find out whether Jewish oral sex is on your derech at 4torah.com

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Simchas Torah and Veteran’s Day

Simchas TorahWhile walking down 5th Ave today and observing the Veteran’s Day festivities I felt like it was Simchas Torah all over again.

On Simchas Torah you’ve got a lot of ebullient yeshiva bochurim happy to be free from yeshiva for two weeks, very excited about…well something, not knowing exactly what though, certainly not knowing the full history behind the development of this annual celebration of the completion of the Torah-reading cycle, and probably all the happier for their ignorance.

It’s also striking that those who dance most enthusiastically are those who learn a lot of gemarah and do not participate in the completion of chumash, at least they haven’t since the end of elementary school.

Near Bryant Park today I got the same vibe from the enthusiastic onlookers. This is New York City, this is not a particularly pro-military city and yet people feel obligated to express appreciation to military vets, at least on Veteran’s Day they do. But at the same time they disagree with almost every military campaign from the past 60 years, they vote for a president who, for the first few years of his presidency, broke with tradition and didn’t appear at Arlington National Cemetery to pay his respects.

Additionally they themselves would never participate in the military, like the conscientious objector yeshiva bochur who wouldn’t learn chumash even if he was threatened with not being allowed into Brisk.

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Find out more about Simchas Torah at 4torah.com

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Change You Can Believe In

As frum Jews we are all afraid of change, we don’t like change, we resist it, we protest against it in Time Square, we threaten to make a mass exodus from Israel over it, we rewrite history so that we’re not confronted with it; therefore Frum Satire’s pledge to you is to be unchanging. Frum Satire has been, is, and always will be there for you. But it is about to undergo some changes nevertheless, it will be change you can believe in though.

Now, unlike Obama who promised to deliver change and only followed through with issuing new coins, in the next few weeks we will deliver change. Big, seismic change. [click to continue…]

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Get the Vote Out in Borough Park

Jewish voteIt’s very important before an election to remember who the true power brokers are. To that end the New Yorker ran a story yesterday called The Shame of Borough Park, which chronicles the travails of Sam Kellner, a man who found out the hard way that his community doesn’t follow the guidelines set forth by Agudath Israel. The Agudah talking heads have said numerous times that one must not go to the police to report child molesters unless one has permission from a rabbi, Kellner got permission but was ill-used in the ass anyways.

I think it serves him right though, who the hell did he think he is trying to imprison a respected chazzan, a man who selflessly gave rides to lonely teenagers he found walking to school? He should have just told the va’ad hatznius about the abuse and left it up to them to do nothing, it’s really none of his business. [click to continue…]

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