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Everyone’s a Moron

imageRegular person: “My life isn’t measured by how much money I can gather.”

Everyone: Block this person’s posts but stay friends?

Random person: “Here’s a picture of my food in a cool restaurant plus my cleavage.”

Rich Person: “Money isn’t a measure of a person’s worth.”

Everyone: “THANK YOU! SOOO true.”


Wherein it doesn’t actually get besser.

rabbi shmuley boteachI checked out a certain otd organization which shall remain nameless that offers you help in transitioning from a stifling conformist frum world to a stifling conformist slightly colder world.

It doesn’t get besser. All everyone in the world does is show off their shitty lives and money they earned through taking corporate cock for 10 years in a desperate attempt to hook slightly non-ancient and decrepit bitches.

I want to write a story about a guy who never ages but who’s life just remains meaningless forever. He’s been around since the earliest humans but he always occupies the same middle rung in the ladder. It’s just newer and newer families and tribes and groups and societies. By now, he’s all burnt out and all does he’s been doing for a hundred thousand years is smoke masturbate and fail to hit on women. He has to try really hard at that for it to be funny. He just keeps trying strategies for 2000 years and getting no’s. He’s probably also really smart because he’s been around forever but nobody really listens to him because he’s just some shmuck.

Anyhow, I don’t know what this post is. Just checking in. I’m going back down now.

Find me when its done.


Jews of JSwipe

Guest post by BJJgirl666

JSwipeI was recently shmoozing with my chavrusa, Shmuli Grosshmeckel, and (unsurprisingly) we ended up complaining  about our struggles in shidduchim.

I was complaining to him about how nowadays, though the advanced state of technology is supposed to make everything more efficient, unfortunately it made the world of shidduchim even more complicated than it was originally.

Shmuli asked me, “Have you tried JSwipe?”

I told him I have not, but that I was intrigued.

He proceeded to show me his profile. For the most part, judging by his pictures, like an erlich yeshiva bochur with great middos, but I got confused when he wrote something about being a “big spoon”.

[click to continue…]


Chanukah is a Jewish triumph.

Every morning before the Jewish people would get there to sacrifice, a priest would light the menorah in the Bais hamikdash. Every morning he’d get up early to light it and every night it would go out. This light symbolized God’s presence in the holy temple. They would carefully grow and prepare the olive oil using only the best olives to pour into the golden menorah.
Then the Greeks came. And after months of fighting a bloody battle, and putting an idol in the temple, they destroyed all the oil. And the light that hadn’t gone out for hundreds of years, went dark. But just as the jews were about to give up hope, they found canister of oil that hadn’t been touched to last for one more day. And the priest went up as he had done all other days and he poured the oil into the menorah and he lit it and he probably thought, “At least we’ll have it one more day”. But God made a miracle and when he came back the next day it was still lit and when he left at night, it was still let and when he came the next morning- it was still lit. And the priests fell to their knees and wept and thanked God for their faith restored. And eight days later God said “What do you think I’m made of money?”

And the priests grumbled and said “Fine fine we’ll go make more oil.”


Gil Student Regrets Becoming a Rabbi

Gil StudentThe Klal Perspectives Jounal is always a treasure of ancient wisdom, repackaged, with its expiration date carefully erased and rewritten. The Fall 2015 issue is no exception.

I find it funny that the editor found this issue to hot to handle himself instead inviting Dr. David Pelcovitz to be the guest editor. The explanation for this guest editorship is as follows: “In light of the particularly profound psychological repercussions of internet use, Dr. David Pelcovitz was invited to serve as Guest Editor of this issue, and he graciously agreed. Dr. Pelcovitz is widely considered to be the Orthodox community’s leading expert in applying academic scholarship to the various social and psychological challenges of our time.” It’s funny because the discussion about internet usage in the frum community is no more a psychological issue than any of the previous topics handled in The Klal Perspectives Journal, if anything it is less so: I think the topic of the frum community’s response to the emergence of the internet is more of a sociological and anthropological discussion than anything else and that’s what this is all about, after all.

Anyway, Pelcovitz aside, the issue is a sociological goldmine of rabbis and other professional hand-wringers trying to figure out how to keep the frum in the dark – there’s information out there and the people of the book have too many reasons to fear information.  [click to continue…]


Elya Ber WachfogelA few weeks ago I wanted to do chazara on the sugya of mesirah, specifically in cases of frum child molesters, because it’s inyana d’yoima here in the Catskills; Elya Ber Wachtfogel is deep in the middle of trying to ruin a family’s lives over their reporting one of his yungeleit to the authorities for allegedly molesting their son. Since Wachtfogel is such a big tzadik I imagine he’s doing this sordid work in the name of halacha and hashkafa – and mesirah is basically the only excuse gedoilim and ketanim like Wachtfogel can find as a justification.

So I started with the question: what is molestation according to halacha, anyway? I hadn’t learned masechtes nidah in a few years and I couldn’t be sure my memory was right so I started by relearning the first blatt of perek kol hayad and I saw that I was right – the gemara doesn’t seem to be too concerned about child molestation at all – it merely says that raping a young boy is mishkav zachar, having oral sex or masturbating off a boy isn’t a nice thing, it’s zerah l’vatala after all, while raping a young girl isn’t much of a problem altogether, it just delays the coming of moshiach – just like geirim do.

I thought to myself, “ok, at least Elya Ber is in good company, the amora’im seem to agree with him that child molestation isn’t something to lose much sleep over”. But then I remembered that his yungerman is accused of raping the boy anally after having oral sex – so Elya Ber should give the man skila for his mishkav zachar – why is he, instead, bailing him out of jail at a cost of $250,000 and raising tens of thousands more for his legal defense? The least he could do is leave the yungerman in prison until the trial and let the legal system take its course without interfering.

Upon reflection I had another kasha on Wachtfogel: if he’s relying on the issur of mesira when he put the victim and his family in cherem and tried getting the kid’s father fired from his job then why didn’t he just kill the kid like real yidden do to moisrim?

I’m left thinking that Wachtfogel must either be a dreadful am ha’aretz or there’s so much more torah I still need to learn that I should go back to yeshiva for another 12 years. Maybe Yeshiva Gedolah Zichron Moshe of South Fallsburg will take me in.

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Abandoning Paradise

Agudah's new HQ

Agudah’s new HQ

Last week Agudas Yisroel took a cue from none other than the prestigious Partido Comunista de Cuba. Five years ago in the vaunted halls of Edificio del Comité Central, the Cuban leadership called a monumental assembly to discuss the troubling trend of Cubans deserting the Paradise of Communism abandoning their heritage to wallow in the lowly Earthly temptations of South Miami.  Communist critics at the time (who lived outside Cuba, of course) ridiculed the event: how could they ever tackle the issue of desertion of the bliss of communism without actually soliciting the opinions of those who left?! After all, they can teach us something about South Florida and why people are flocking there. But the Partido Comunista wanted nothing to do with it. Absurd! They cried. How much sense could those people have if they willfully abandoned the greatest paradise on Earth?! And for what?! To compromise their integrity and convictions for the materialistic civilization of the Western World?! [click to continue…]

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