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Why People Go OTD

With the recent release of the mega-hit of the OTD world –  Shulem Deen’s memoir “All Who Go Do Not Return“, the age-old question has come up again: why do people go OTD?

Our rebbeim tell us, and we are inclined to agree, that normal, healthy, well adjusted individuals on a level playing field would always choose to remain frum, no question about it; frumkeit just makes so much more sense on all levels, and in addition is the only truth. No question about it. We know that people only go OTD because: a) they’ve been molested b) their parents are divorced c) they didn’t read Akiva Tatz in time, and d) their ta’aveh to eat at McDonald’s is just too strong for them control.

But we know that our small minds can’t understand everything, we were taught that we have to ask the gedolim, or at least local da’as torah. So we hired the research firm of Zwiebel Dessler and Shafran LP to conduct a poll for us. We told them the community wanted facts, no more conjecture and hyperbole, we need to show our frum brethren how screwed up they have to be to go OTD, and we have to discredit Shulem Deen and all his friends with hard numbers, the very thing they claim to believe in.

 About the Survey

A nationally representative sample of frum Jews were chosen from the Upper West Side, Borough Park, Flatbush, Lakewood, Monsey, Cleveland, Detroit, Chicago, Milwaukee, Denver, Louisville, LA and San Diego (no one in the Five Towns was willing to participate, we believe this is due to the zechus and strong influence of Rabbi Yair Hoffman). 10,000 screening interviews were conducted and 963 longer interviews were completed with candidates who identified as OTD.

Although the firm of Zwiebel Dessler and Shafran LP was careful to select only OTD folks, it emerged that interviewees were actually still frum, they only identified as OTD secretly. It would seem that because of this peculiarity no one answered any of the prepared questions, opting instead to answer a question of their own in the small space reserved for comments at the bottom.

Survey Results

The question respondents seemed to be answering was “why do you remain frum?”

Why People Remain Frum

Why do you remain frum?

 

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Yoshev Ohel- Sitter of Tents

Studying-TorahI think that for some people, taking the traditional yeshiva route of looking at Biblical figures is fine. Basically, the people in the Torah are perfect people we have no concept of who do no wrong. Even the bad guys, like Esav, Yerovom, etc. are operating on such high levels that their sins are incomprehensible. To the rest of us, it’s impossible to keep looking at them in such a way. We can’t just write them off as perfect one dimensional people. We’ve been ingrained to look at them as role models for our own lives and as such we measure ourselves against them. If we grow up and haven’t found what we’re looking for in the simplistic retelling of the stories, we feel a sense of unease because it’s ingrained at such a deep level. Maybe we were told that these are good people, and as kids who’ve just begun to think in those terms, we connected to them in the purest way possible. [click to continue…]

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Pesach!

pesach-passover-2How come when you get to Pesach, suddenly you find these weird things you thought disappeared 10 years ago from 1st world countries? Sanka for $5 at Brachs, sugar free Gefen Jelly with an aspartame aftertaste you can smell before you even take any out. We drop ship better food to Liberia.

Hey look, I made relatable jokes about Pesach. See? I do fit in. Now back to watching dirty stuff on my phone alone in my apartment. Actually, I can’t, it’s too depressing. Marvel Contest of CHAMPIONS? [click to continue…]

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Chizzuk from Gdi Oish

burning the chametzErev Pesach is not a time for satire or jokes. We can spend all year debating whether the ancient Hebrews really built the pyramids or whether they were in Egypt altogether; but on Erev Pesach we put all that aside to focus on achdus in Klal Yisroel, burning the chometz, giving the rabbi his annual tip, and double parking to wait in line outside the keilim mikvah along with all the other 45 year-olds making Pesach for the first time.

So in honor of this Erev Pesach I urge you take a minute to get some chizzuk from Rav Zalendger Shlita from the Gdi Oish show.

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All Who Go Do Not Return – A Review

Click here to purchase on Amazon

Readers of Frum Satire are obviously connoisseurs of fine Jewish reading material, and we don’t serve you many book reviews because we know we can hardly make any worthwhile suggestions that will pass your discriminating criteria. But once in awhile we become aware of a book we feel will both increase your avodas hashem while simultaneously giving you a bunch of chassidim to laugh at, OTD folks to gawk at and enough villains to give you something to else argue about at the next yom tov meal when the family is together and you’ve exhausted the Israeli/Palestinian/Obama debate and no one wants to talk to each other anymore. [click to continue…]

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To host or not to host your own seder

pesach-sederWe received our first invitation to a seder just before purim, normally I say yes, excited that someone actually wanted me at their seder and not the last minute desperate attempt to latch onto everyone’s already booked seders. However, this year is different, I recalled some expletive filled rant that I went on last year that went along the lines of “I’m hosting my own damned seder next year, enough of this 3 hour ma nishtana bullshit” or the likes of that. [click to continue…]

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Purim Depression

Is It Purim Yet? UnpiousAfter Yanky and Shloime had fasted for 12 hours, put the half-shekel in the pushka, davened mincha, took a nap so they would have energy to dance all night, ran to the liquor store before it closed so they can get wasted, and pulled out the torn jeans they’d bought at the thrift store Shloime felt ready for the happiness that would envelop him that night. [click to continue…]

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