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All Who Go Do Not Return – A Review

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Readers of Frum Satire are obviously connoisseurs of fine Jewish reading material, and we don’t serve you many book reviews because we know we can hardly make any worthwhile suggestions that will pass your discriminating criteria. But once in awhile we become aware of a book we feel will both increase your avodas hashem while simultaneously giving you a bunch of chassidim to laugh at, OTD folks to gawk at and enough villains to give you something to else argue about at the next yom tov meal when the family is together and you’ve exhausted the Israeli/Palestinian/Obama debate and no one wants to talk to each other anymore. [click to continue…]


To host or not to host your own seder

pesach-sederWe received our first invitation to a seder just before purim, normally I say yes, excited that someone actually wanted me at their seder and not the last minute desperate attempt to latch onto everyone’s already booked seders. However, this year is different, I recalled some expletive filled rant that I went on last year that went along the lines of “I’m hosting my own damned seder next year, enough of this 3 hour ma nishtana bullshit” or the likes of that. [click to continue…]


Purim Depression

Is It Purim Yet? UnpiousAfter Yanky and Shloime had fasted for 12 hours, put the half-shekel in the pushka, davened mincha, took a nap so they would have energy to dance all night, ran to the liquor store before it closed so they can get wasted, and pulled out the torn jeans they’d bought at the thrift store Shloime felt ready for the happiness that would envelop him that night. [click to continue…]


digitaly looking throuigh the mechitza When you live in the frum community it always seems like there’s this great partisan divide between us and them. Us being the frum and them being the not frum, but what’s even more interesting to me is the divide between those within the ever expanding orthodox community. Tonight, I saw something that was a little shocking and I just want to prepare you for it. I was davening in an open orthodox shul, very liberal one might say. I’m not just judging by the ridiculously low and virtually non-existent mechitza. [click to continue…]


Married people get lonely too

diarrhea manis friedmanEver since my boss/rebbe/only real friend besides my wife moved to New York last month there’s been an insatiable void in my life. Instead of talking shit all day and being yelled at for doing stupid shit, my job requires me to take on the roll of yelling at other people all day for doing stupid shit. However, there is no more kitchen bullshitting due to language barriers and not being around cynical FFB’s anymore. It just hit me two weeks ago, when for the first time in a few years I’ve had actual free time to do something at night. Normally my free daytime time is taken up with outdoor activities, but what am I supposed to do at night. [click to continue…]


Random guests can ruin your shabbos

hosting shabbos guestsWhen I used to be employed as a professional shabbos guest I never realized why people were so happy see me. I was brash, smelled terribly, and was always making some sort of comment that offended the wife, yet I was invited to take part in random shabbos meals, rummage around people’s fridges and liquor cabinets in the wee hours of the morning and take monster post cholent dumps in their bathrooms. It wasn’t like these people were my relatives that were forced to take me in, they were random families that may have responded to an email I had sent the shul or a facebook post on someone elses wall. [click to continue…]


On The Orthodox Sex Guru

Jewish Sex Ed

Jewish Sex Ed

The New York Times Magazine just published a story about Bat Sheva Marcus, a Modern Orthodox sex counselor whose practice has become a go-to address for young hasidic women who suffer from not being interested in having sex with their basherte. You can see the whole story here.

The story is basically a very sad one about women who only just heard about their clitoris after giving birth to their third baby, about lists of barely-erotic ideas that the sex counselor makes for the patients to take back to their rav for approval and of those ravs not giving approval to any of the ideas – including kissing with the lights on, let alone to using a vibrator, chass v’sholom. [click to continue…]