I read this and all I can't think of is. "wow! They do it here just like in the south... What are your thoughts on this.
Boro Park - 32-year-old bobov yingerman widower engaged to 18-year-old late wife's sister, Mazol Tov
Am I crazy or is this Discusting??? I petty the Girl.
(41 posts) (10 voices)-
Gila
offlineMemberTo clarify- why exactly is it "discusting"? Because of the age difference? Because the couple are in-laws? Because the man already has children?
I don't know anything about this particular story, but those all sound like weak reasons to castigate the couple.
1) A fourteen-year age difference is not unheard of. I once dated a man twelve years my senior, and believe it or not, the age difference had nothing to do with why things didn't work out between us. It wasn't even a factor. Granted, it doesn't work for everyone, but how are we to know which category this girl falls into?
2) What's wrong with a man marrying his sister-in-law after his wife dies? Okay, so it shouldn't be the primary reason they marry-- and it sounds like it is-- but it also shouldn't be the sole reason why they [i]can't[/i] marry.
3) The majority of 18-year-olds are neither "innocent" nor "little" and well understand the process of decision-making, including the analysis of possible consequences of various actions. I'm 19, and I believe that I am a mature, well-adjusted woman. In fact, I would like to get married within the next couple of years.
4) Most 18-year-olds have had some exposure to children, whether they are younger siblings or babysitting clients. If she really doesn't want to take on the responsibility of parenthood so soon, she shouldn't marry the guy: nobody's going to drag her down the aisle.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Phil
offlineMemberJoely,
I don't think anyone's forcing her (I could be wrong). It might be a bit weird for the kids to adjust to this woman being both their aunt and stepmother, reminds of that Simpsons song "I'm my own grandpa".
Nothing wrong with age difference. May parents are happliy married for close to 40 years, and have a 19 year age difference. My uncle nad his wife are 23 years apart and have been married for about 25 years as well.
Nothing against this in halacha either, man can marry sister in law once wife is dead.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Joely276
offlineMemberGila; i have no problem with the age difference, I agree that's not a factor ever. I guess you don't know the chassidic community well enough, here a 18 YO is a little kid. with absolutely no responsibilities, no education and no exposure to the world outside hence she will have a hard time caring for the kids. 2) in the chassidic community they don't get married based on love, or compatibility between each other, It's a decision your parents make for u and u get final say just to make u feel good.
Gila and Phil; I just think it's morally wrong to marry your late wife's sister. It's like you would hear a guy doinked his girlfriends sister. what would u think? that's how I feel about this.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Gila
offlineMemberPhil, "I'm my own grandpa" is not a Simpsons song. It dates from 1947. I remember it best from the movie "The Stupids".
Joely, granted that an 18-year-old Chassidic girl is not the same as a secular 18-year-old or even a MO 18-year-old. However, what you said about her not being prepared for marriage and children is true of any other 18-year-old Chassidic girl whose parents arrange her marriage. What makes this particular case more reprehensible than the others?
Regarding the relation by marriage to her chosson, all you've done is repeat that you find it appalling. I still don't know why.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Joely276
offlineMembera 18 year old chassidic girl that gets married has her first kid after 9 Months. (enough time for her to grow up) this young girl is gonna have 5 a day after her wedding. hope she doesn't have a nervous breakdown.
And regarding the relation by Marrige. I kinda see it as a light version of incest, I might be wrong.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Gefilte Fish
offlineMemberJoely, Perhaps you have something against the community you broke off from, and I understand that.
"here a 18 YO is a little kid. with absolutely no responsibilities, no education and no exposure to the world outside hence she will have a hard time caring for the kids."
Aha, so knowing geometry and science prepares a girl for motherhood? or is it the fooling around with boys from the age of 12 that does it?
"In the chassidic community they don't get married based on love, or compatibility between each other"
Perhaps this is the case by many young girls, but in this case I beg to differ, She has known this man for about 12 years now, I guess she knows if she can live with him or now, and maybe they even has something going on between them for a while now. Who knows?
Posted 1 year ago # -
Joely276
offlineMemberGefilta,
I have allot against the community I left but that has nothing to do with the way I think about or Portray the community.
Sleeping around at the age of 12 doesn't make someone more responsible. I personally think that no girl is responsible enough to have a baby at such young age. but A MO girl or any girl outside such a sheltered community usually has had some responsibilities. (College, had there own jobs and not had their parents supporting them for life, Etc.)
And regarding her knowing him well. I doubt it and even if yes It still gross. as mentioned above I see it as incest.....
Posted 1 year ago # -
Gila
offlineMemberI was (am) 19; he was (is) 31. I should have been more clear; by "once" I meant just this past summer, perhaps four or five weeks ago. I'm sure some people would find it weird/creepy, but for us it didn't really matter. He could hardly believe that I was really 19 because he felt I acted so much older, and at one point actually asked to see my driver's license.
Joely, do you honestly think that a girl who is 18 years and 9 months old is significantly more mature than a girl who is exactly 18 years old?
Posted 1 year ago # -
wannaBT
offlineMember"In the chassidic community they don't get married based on love, or compatibility between each other"
Maybe this was true in your chasidic community, but I'm sure you're well aware that there are many different chassidic communities. I believe that at least in some of them, marriage is based on compatability and the choice of the chosson & kallah and not their parents.
Posted 1 year ago # -
ghottistyx
offlineMemberFor the record, "I'm My Own Grandpa" is a poem by Shel Silverstein, same guy who wrote "The Missing Piece" and "A Boy Named Sue" (later made into a song by Johnny Cash).
If I'm not mistaken, the age gap is prevelant in the SY community. Several SY girls I know married a man in their 30s when they were barely out of High School.
Posted 1 year ago # -
A. Nuran
offlineMemberFor the record, "I'm My Own Grandpa" is a poem by Shel Silverstein, same guy who wrote "The Missing Piece" and "A Boy Named Sue" (later made into a song by Johnny Cash).
Right on The Boy Named Sue. Not so on I'm My Own Grandpa. According to the Wiki that was written "by Dwight Latham and Moe Jaffe, performed by Lonzo and Oscar in 1947".
Posted 1 year ago # -
Phil
offlineMemberLove doesn't come into the picture when it comes to chassidish weddings. If it happens once they are married, it's an added benefit. How can one expect 2 people to be in love if they only know each other for 3-6 weeks and have met only 3-4 times?
Not saying whether or not it's right or wrong, Yitzchak Avinu married Rivka without knowing her, and they only fell in love after the wedding as the passuk clearly says he first brought her to his tent, then he loved her and was consoled for the loss of his mother.
Posted 11 months ago # -
"Love doesn't come into the picture when it comes to chassidish weddings. If it happens once they are married, it's an added benefit. How can one expect 2 people to be in love if they only know each other for 3-6 weeks and have met only 3-4 times?"
Phil, you're not wrong. But this also applies to most black-hat shidduchim that I know about. There is a chassid I've known for a few years, who I may marry someday. I don't think we would marry if there weren't love.
Posted 11 months ago #
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