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The Dalai Lama Is A Complete Moron, But Not As Much As You People Who Quote Him On Facebook

Every facebook girl who posts pictures of their kids as props for their selfies and secretary who tapes fortune cookie papers on their computer screen’s favorite spiritual guide is back  to share more wisdom with us in a New York Times op-ed, that just happens to coincide with this year’s book that shares the same theme. What a stroke of good fortune!
But that’s just what happens when your chi is in tune with the universe’s 7 chakras of compassion, my dear sweet friends.

In his piece called “Behind our anxiety, the fear of being unneeded”, his Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama of the way of Cross and Dragon once again proves his indispensability to society by touching on a deep truth that he totally didn’t hear every news outlet and old Jewish politician say this year to massive crowds of people. People in Western countries are anxious because they don’t feel useful to society anymore. Holy fucking shit. How did he realize that? Did he hear Trump saying we don’t make anything anymore and all our jobs are in China? Did he listen to every goddamn word Bernie Sanders ever said? Maybe he heard about Brexit…

No, you fucking idiot heathens. “In April 2015, His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu met in Dharamsala for a conversation about joy.” (Penguin Random House, 2016.)

That’s how he was able to enlighten us with such gems as, “We all need to be needed. Being “needed” does not entail selfish pride…Rather, it consists of a natural human hunger to serve our fellow men and women. As the 13th-century Buddhist sages taught, “If one lights a fire for others, it will also brighten one’s own way.” 

Blow me down. Apparently, say esteemed American Enterprise Institute president Arthur C. Brooks and 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, the spiritual leader of Tibet and a Nobel laureate for peace, working age men in America have less employment opportunities than they did 50 years ago. Yeah, you read that right. Less. And get this: Unemployment can even make you feel bad. “The consequences are not merely economic. Feeling superfluous is a blow to the human spirit. It leads to social isolation and emotional pain, and creates the conditions for negative emotions to take root.” Yeah.

“Well Geez Louise,” you’re thinking, “How do we fix this?”

Well, if it was up to your sheltered stupid suburban white self, we couldn’t. But thankfully, two spiritual leaders who are minorities from third world countries and who live a real life are here to give you the simple joy and wisdom of nature and the temples and shit like that.

“The first answer is not systematic. It is personal. Everyone has something valuable to share. We should start each day by consciously asking ourselves, “What can I do today to appreciate the gifts that others offer me?”

Ahhhh. Well, wait, didn’t you just Not quote Bernie Sanders that the problem is unemployme-

Shut the fuck up! You didn’t let me finish:

“Leaders need to recognize that a compassionate society must create a wealth of opportunities for meaningful work…A compassionate society must provide children with education and training that enriches their lives, both with greater ethical understanding and with practical skills that can lead to economic security and inner peace. (I promise you I’m not making this up.) A compassionate society must protect the vulnerable while etc etc

Building such a society is no easy task. No ideology or political party…Misguided thinking…friendship… compassion…human dignity…intrinsic usefulness of every personbetter and more meaningful world…  (you’re almost at the end, don’t worry)… The problems we face cut across conventional categories; so must our dialogue, and our friendships.

May we all bring the bias goel bimhairah veyamainu amein. Finally someone with practical solutions. The book of Joy: Lasting happiness in a changing world, available on Amazon in paperback for just 26.99 or kindle for 13.99 with slightly less joy. If you want, you can bash yourself in the forehead with a brick over and over to be able to fully appreciate His Holiness’s wisdom.


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