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Training Ex-Chasidim to Have Eyes

4401376_origWhen two people gang up against one its pretty obvious who the underdog is and in this case the dog down under is Dr. Marty Klein. The good doctor wrote an excellent satire on his blog, a blog which usually treats a much more serious subject.

Marty Klein is an internationally renowned expert on sexuality, what hes less known for is being a keen-eyed observer of human nature, an excellent judge of character and a great writer. Well, great may be too strong a word, but a writer nonetheless.

Taking his cue from Heshy, Marty Klein wrote about his recent business trip to New York and mixed in his own brand of anthropology and satire of the frum community there.

The main focus of Kleins post is the womens eyes, which they dont have, he correctly points out. R Avigdor Miller has an entire lecture devoted to the posuk in Mishlei that Klein is referencing hinach yafah rayasi, anayich yonim etc. Rabbi Miller points out that the eyes are the leaders, they show people were to go; the leaders of the nation are referred to as aynay haam (feel free to point out the source for that posuk). Are chassidish women in positions of authority? Are they allowed to for forward looking? Of course not; theyre not even allowed to drive because their eyes are so unreliable.

Moving past the title of Kleins post and into the body it becomes even more obvious that its satire. He starts by contrasting Williamsburg with Harlem, Wall Street, Brooklyn Heights, Midtown and Upper Park Avenue. Hes doing this for effect, he knows that in reality all the real estate in all the places he mentioned is owned by Williamsburg Jews and the whole Midtown is occupied by diamond dealers from Williamsburg, and hes just trying to be democratic about it by putting them in the same sentence.

He then says They dress meticulously like the nobility of 18th century Lithuania/Poland. Even in summer, the men wear long sleeve white shirts, black vests, long black coats, and black fur hats (along with thick religious underwear). Isnt this a hilarious sentence? Chassidim dont dress meticulously, they dont dress like anyones nobility (did Polish nobility ever wear a key ring, two beepers and three cellphones?) and they dont wear thick underwear, didnt Klein visit a mikvah during his tour and see the rabbainu taams? If he didnt visit a mikvah then he didnt take a genuine tour of Williamsburg.

He says he wore a long coat and a wide brimmed hat, I doubt he actually wore that ridiculous costume, hes just trying to invoke the image of the detective digging around for the sex tricks of the Williamsburg chassidim.

There are no smartphones here. But I cant anymore; this is too funny, just sitting here LOLing.

Dr. Marty Klein wrote a great parody of chassidish Williamsburg and I think the world is a richer place for it, and I cant tell whether Vizel and Deen are joking with their critique of his brilliant work or whether theyve been had.

Frieda Vizel took considerable pains to point out every error the doctor made He writes that in the Hasidic community marriages at 14 are common (wrong), that girls rarely enter high school (wrong) that Hasidim can’t speak English and only gesticulate wildly (very wrong), that if he would come on Saturday he would be forcefully removed by the local militia (so wrong; in fact, I hear many tourists come on Saturday – although I don’t), that internet passwords are shared with the head rabbi (oy vey, how terribly wrong and cliche!) and that the entire neighborhood has one restaurant (which is wrong, as anyone with eyes can see!) In order to be respectful he visited with “no food or water” and wore a wide brimmed hat. I’m not sure why he thought not bringing food or water or wearing that hat was respectful and what he thought Hasidim sustain themselves on if food and water isn’t respectful. Maybe manna?

Then Shulem Deen betook himself to the high-brow Forward Thinking blog and wrote a well-researched, indexed and footnoted post on how wrong Klein is. nobodyis betrothed at 14, and betrothal before age18-19 is in fact quite rare); girls rarely enter high school (Williamsburgs Hasidic girls all attend high school as a matter of course); and the entire neighborhood has only a single, men-only restaurant (I, only an occasional visitor, can name at least a dozen, well frequented by both sexes).

I think these ex-chassidim have to learn how to be medayek, did they ever learn a shtickle R Baruch Ber? I think they should go back to yeshiva and start over again, maybe then theyll acquire eyes.


Find out more about Williamsburg sex at 4torah.com

{ 6 comments… add one }
  • Frieda Vizel June 19, 2014, 3:17 PM

    Crackup, crackup, crackup. Two beepers? P-uleeze. You are so eighteenth century nobility. We are way past that!

    • Uchiha Clan June 19, 2014, 3:19 PM

      I don’t understand what you wrote?

  • Jason June 19, 2014, 7:02 PM

    He needs more lessons in satire. The piece just makes him seem like a blind, out of touch pervert. I may have issues and problems with many aspects of the frum world, but this, this just comes off as lame, real or satire. Even Rabbi Rabbs’ blog where he whined about not being able to have sex or beat his meat wasn’t as sad as this comes off…

  • Reb Yid June 20, 2014, 8:22 AM

    Whoever is critiquing Klein’s post doesn’t know how to read. He says they get betrothed by 17, not 14. He says “may girls do not finish high school,” not that they don’t go to high school. I have been to Williamsburg and kids just kind of stare at you as if you are from another planet. I think he is reading too much into the “dead eye” look though. As a male, I have found that when you walk down the street anywhere, the more attractive the woman, the more dead her expression is when you pass her on the street and try and make eye contact.

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