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Zera Livatala, Ever Min Hachai, Not Killing Amalek favorite aveiros of 2013

killing amalekViews on sin are changing, we’ve known that all along, but the statistical report on what aveiros were the most loved during 2013 is fascinating. Zera Livatala has been on the list for the past 27 years, since porn was deregulated in the 80’s. However, Ever Min Hachai and refusing to kill Amalek have never made it to the top 10 before, suggesting a drastic shift in the attitudes of Jews and their views on aveiros.

Many are wondering why those two obscure aveiros have become so popular. Some point to the fact that ever min hachai is such a challenge to do, that people will do it just so that they can put it out there on social media. It’s akin to that time, several years back, when the mitzvah of shiluach hakan suddenly gained popularity. There were literally thousands of people putting up pictures of them shooing mother birds away from nests, only to finally realize that they were duped by fortune seekers who had set up the bird shooing operation on the cheap. The birds ended up being the wrong ones, the eggs weren’t fertile, it was a complete mess. Not to mention all of those who were saying bracha livatalas, which is one sin that’s never really made it to the list.

Post-Rubashkin it’s been tougher than ever to be over the aveira of Ever Min Hachai, but I think the fun lies in the challenge. It also happens to be smack up against 2 of the yearly top 10 aveiros of Tzar Belly Chayim and Treife. Since eating treife and torturing animals have always been in the top 10 list, some analysts think that it was natural for Ever Min Hachai to eventually find its way there. No one ever thought it would make it to the top 3 spots though and many wonder if anyone in 2013 was even successful at eating a limb off of a live animal, or is it just one of those fantasy aveiros, like kelayim #9 this year.

Killing Amalek is one of the few mitzvos in the Torah which enjoys such popularity amongst the entire Jewish community, that no one would have ever thought that violators of this Torah commandment would ever amount to much in the way of numbers. It’s actually inexplicable as to why people this year decided that they enjoyed the aveira of not killing Amalek. If you could come up with a reason, I’m all ears.

Top Aveiros of 2013

1) Zera Livatala – everyone masturbates and they always have, it’s doubtful that zera livatala will ever be pushed out from it’s reigning spot as favorite aveira of the year.

2) Not Killing Amalek – not sure why anyone wouldn’t want to kill Amalek, but the liberal media can be quite convincing on that right to life issue.

3) Ever Min Hachai – as far as I know, no one has been successful at doing this very important and now loved aveira, but some poskim have said that boiling lobster alive may allow one to violate this aveira.

4) Treife (first time it’s been knocked out of the top 3 ever) – One would think that with the ever increasing popularity of Bacon, treife would have been in the top 3, this years list boggles my mind.

5) Bestiality – There is a natural tendency for folks who are sexually depraved to be attracted to dogs, horses, and Venus fly traps, but many rabbonom have deemed the mere act of watching animal porn to be bestiality and in that case, it’s one of my favorite aveiros as well.

6) Putting the wrong spices in the kitores – The recipe is so hard to follow, that many have decided to give it the finger and go their own way – smoke rising up in a single pillar – be damned.

7) Moving back to Egypt – Apparently it’s right up there with Lakewood as most popular places for Jews to move to.

8) Building rafts on shabbos – Jews enjoy swimming on shabbos…

9) Kelayim – Have you seen the Grapple (the apple/grape combination) well it’s inspired many Jews to make their own cool combos. I even heard of one guy trying to graft onions and garlic, wo he wouldn’t have to be bittul z’man anymore.

10) Tzar Belly Chayim – Who doesn’t enjoy a good cock fight? Why doesn’t like veal chops? Why doesn’t want to pay less for their shackle and hoisted meat? As long as it’s glatt, right? Besides, lighting dogs on fire and throwing them off the roof has been one of those favorite past times in yeshiva for the past 50 years.

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{ 39 comments… add one }
  • A. Nuran Imposter January 13, 2014, 6:41 AM

    bestiality is by far the hardest aveirah for me… ahhh i hate my life!!

    • Heshy Fried January 13, 2014, 6:50 AM

      What, you’re not into donkey shows?

      • Anonymous January 13, 2014, 8:41 AM

        They are the best

    • Shragi January 13, 2014, 2:12 PM

      Me too. My time in Seattle has permanently scarred me.

    • A. Nuran January 13, 2014, 8:09 PM

      Needless to say this is the nameless troll, not me.

  • shmuel January 13, 2014, 7:04 AM

    For me letting witches live gets the cigar.

    Oh, and my yetzer to amputate the hand of women who grab my balls is unstoppable

    • Anonymous January 13, 2014, 8:42 AM

      lol

    • Shragi January 13, 2014, 2:13 PM

      Amputating a woman’s hand who was oiver on that aveirah is not an aveirah.

  • Toldos Aron January 13, 2014, 8:37 AM

    I Guess you are not a member of the unique “shatness club”,
    have you not ever fantasize to wear shatness?

  • Rabbi January 13, 2014, 8:57 AM

    Three words: Shark Fin Soup!

  • For Real January 13, 2014, 9:45 AM

    You forgot that not all of zera livatalah is done alone…

  • woodrow January 13, 2014, 10:23 AM

    Does swallowing a worm whole count as 3? If so I did it (though at the time I had no idea it was an averah)

  • Shragi January 13, 2014, 2:15 PM

    My favorite aveirah is giving money to kupat ha’ir.

  • Yochanan January 13, 2014, 4:05 PM

    Are you serious about lighting dogs on fire?

  • Reb Yudel January 13, 2014, 10:06 PM

    Excellent.

    But seriously, what is the shiur of ever min hachai? If I bite into a kitten and get some flesh, am I over? Does it have to be a kizayes? Or does it have to be a standalone limb?

    If it’s going to be a top contender, it has to bear the scrutiny of an observant public.

  • ISR January 14, 2014, 12:17 AM

    To be honest my favotite is not shaving my Eshet Yefat Toar although I do keep the long nails part…..love those scratch marks on my back

    • SDK January 16, 2014, 6:48 AM

      If you get confused and ask the Eshet to shave you, you can get two averios for one.

  • Piggy January 14, 2014, 6:57 AM

    Cheeseburger should have been #1

  • COFFEE ROOM ATTACKING VENDING MACHINES January 14, 2014, 9:07 PM

    Chocolate Dainish stuck after borrowing a dollar from the yeshiva Gemach with Ribbis interest and now I have the whole Chabura violently shoving twisted coat hangers up the vending machine in a most vile sadistic rape approach to a defenseless object that simply failed to complete the task of ejecting that savory mouth watering Dainish FML no Berachat Mezonot 🙁

  • SDK January 16, 2014, 6:50 AM

    Holding by the eruv isn’t even *on* here. You have no standards.

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