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Aish Dating article is sexist and unrealistic

tefillin-dateIt seems that the latest offensive article in the Jewish world was written by Aish and it has to do with turning off guys. I searched for the term “blue balls” , but it was nowhere to be seen in the article. Turns out that it was just a bunch of obvious advice written in a anti-woman way, by women of course. Apparently men don’t want to debate, hear about a woman’s nose job, depression, or academic achievements. Apparently men are more interested in character, personality, what the girl is wearing, whether or not she put on makeup, and her views on the home. go after and loses interest.

To be honest I didn’t find their advice so bad, I found it to be obvious and a bit sexist. It seemed like the article had a bunch of kiruv flashes of light to try and convince women not to be too smart, too passionate, or too open. It’s obvious that Aish is trying to be hip, modern, and sound like Cosmo. So I feel compelled to give you my own dating advice.

1) Be on time: Too many of my friends complain about the minhag of showing up fashionably late. Dates should not be run on Jewish time, they should be timely. Showing up late without calling, warrants for date cancellation, unless she’s a super hottie and you know you’re going to get some.

2) Don’t assume the guy is going to pay: There is no bigger turn off than the old fashioned assumption that a man has to pay for everything. Even doing the half wallet pull, signaling your willingness to pay, is a good thing. Girls that were taught that men always pay are usually filled with other closed minded assumptions.

3) Don’t wait to text or call back: Girl who play games is so 1999, these days there’s no excuse, you should call or text back promptly. Game playing is for losers and girls who play mind games, tend to manipulative, jealous, and controlling in the long run.

4) Be up front about any health issues: I personally know of several broken marriages because the girls/guys were not open about any major problems they had. If you are chronically depressed, suffer from bi-polar disorder, or are a nymphomaniac, I think the person you’re dating deserves to know. Sure it can wait till you’re involved, but it shouldn’t be one of those things you spring on them under the chuppah.

5) Vaginal Selfies are a no no: If you want to show me your vagina in the midst of a heated moment of divrei Torah, that’s great, but do me a favor and don’t send me a picture. If you want to send pictures, wait until we know each other. Otherwise, it’s going to wind up on the internet and you’re going to hate me. Fact is, guys prefer full body naked selfies.

Update: Aish realized their mistake and took it down. The original text is below.

We consulted with three men who recently got married. Heres their list of five surefire ways to make a man quickly lose interest in a budding relationship.

1. Debate with him. Alex told us, “I dated women who, from the very start, seemed to be out to prove that they were smarter or better informed than me. I got it they were well educated, worked hard to get where they were in their careers, and wanted me to respect their intelligence, but trying to outdo me was a big turn off. I wouldn’t try to argue with my date, tell her she’s wrong, or get into a debate intended to end with one of us being the winner and the other the loser. That would make her feel terrible. I don’t understand why some of the women I went out with did this to me. I felt emasculated and I didn’t ask them out again.

“I’d tell a woman who wants to ‘make a statement’ not to do it when you’re just getting to know each other. Get to know a little about each other, see how comfortable you feel talking, let him see the way you smile and learn what you have in common. Don’t get into a heated political discussion or hear the fine details about your ‘crusade’. That’s not what first dates are about…or second dates. Save those deep, impassioned discussions for after you know each other a little more and want to know more about what makes each other tick.”

2. Don’t bother dressing nicely for a date. “If a man doesn’t feel attracted to a woman within the first few dates, he’s probably going to lose interest. I don’t understand why a woman wouldn’t want to play up her appearance by styling her hair, using a little makeup, and wearing attractive clothes. She looks better, she looks interested in making a good impression on me, and I feel good about taking her out. If a woman didn’t seem to care about herself or about looking nice for me, I had no interest in continuing with her.”

3. Overload your online dating profile. What does your dating profile say about you? If it’s heavy with your professional and academic accomplishments and short on personality traits, it’s time to rewrite it, as well as the “script” you friend use to describe you to potential dates. “Of course I want to find someone who’s intelligent and capable,” Max told us. “But when a woman is suggested to me, I want to hear about her character, how she relates to people, the kind of home she wants to have. It’s fine to know that she’s a lawyer or a stock broker or a physical therapist, but she should save the rest for LinkedIn. I’m looking for a wife, not a business associate.”

4. Open up right away about everything. You clicked right away with the new guy you’re dating. His smile was so genuine, and the conversation between you just flowed. After that first date, you felt as if you’d known him for years and could be extremely open with him. So on your second date when he asked, “Why’s a beautiful woman like you still single?” you decided to tell him your whole romantic history. He heard how you didn’t feel good enough about yourself to date until after you had a nose job, learned that you fell into a depression after a man you thought would marry you met someone else, and found out that you and your sister didn’t speak for two years after a man you both liked chose to date her. You were thinking: He’s such a good listener, I can talk to him about anything! And he was thinking: This girl has boundary issues. I don’t want to hear this stuff from someone I barely know. I can’t wait for this date to end.

5. Pursue him. Your first date was great. So was your second. You haven’t felt so optimistic about the future in a long time. He asks you out again and you want to know, “Where do you think this is going?” Instead of hearing an enthusiastic response, you notice that the positive chemistry between you seems to dissipate. That wasn’t such a good idea, you tell yourself, and next time you meet a man with potential you hold back from asking the question. After the fourth date, you ask him to be your friend on Facebook and a What’sapp contact. He’s one of the many you keep entertained with the latest dramas at work and the antics of your pet cat, and you also email him a couple of times during the day. When you realize he hasn’t called to ask for another date after two days, you telephone him to see what’s happened. You still don’t realize that the faster you try to push him into a relationship, the faster he runs in the other direction.

Some men are flattered when a woman engages in mild flirtation or smiles to show her interest. They may even accept a woman’s invitation for coffee or a drink. But at that point, most men need to turn the tables and become the pursuer. They’re hard-wired to want to win a woman over. When a woman can’t relinquish her pursuit or appears too eager to have a relationship, a man can’t see her as special enough to go after and loses interest.

Yes, we plan on writing a follow up article, Five Ways to Turn Off a Woman Let us know what you think of the list in the comment section below.

Stay tuned for 5 ways to turn a guy on…

Find out more on 4torah.com

 

{ 30 comments… add one }
  • Avi January 8, 2014, 12:03 PM

    “Otherwise, its going to wind up on the internet and youre going to hate me.” All jokes aside, this isn’t cool. People ought to be able to trust that their privately shared images won’t be publicized without their consent

    • Heshy Fried January 8, 2014, 12:15 PM

      Nothing is private, if your cell phone is logged into the local wifi, there goes your privacy. If anyone thinks what they share through the internet is private, they ought to spend a couple days hanging out in Silicon Valley with some programers.

  • OfftheDwannaB January 8, 2014, 1:27 PM

    I didn’t find anything really wrong with the article. Yours is good advice too.

  • anon January 8, 2014, 1:32 PM

    Heshy, Has No.5 ever happend to you or anyone you know. i want stories!!

    • Heshy Fried January 8, 2014, 4:21 PM

      It’s happened to people I know, vaginas are kind of ugly when they don’t go along with the rest of the bodies. I’ve had some frum satire fans send me untznius pictures, but none of the naked variety.

      • anon January 9, 2014, 6:00 AM

        were they frum

      • Anonymous January 9, 2014, 1:44 PM

        How dare you call vaginas ugly. They are beautiful and feel great. Just turn them around and it looks like a mouth you want to kiss.

  • OfftheDwannaB January 8, 2014, 1:32 PM

    Personally I think a lot of women don’t know how to relate to men. And men are clueless too vice versa. Women and men r different and what they want from each other isn’t the same a lot of the time. That doesn’t mean anyone has to change who they are to have a good relationship.

  • Minucha January 8, 2014, 3:03 PM

    I wanted to read the Aish article, but they removed it.

    • Yochanan January 8, 2014, 3:08 PM
    • bratschegirl January 8, 2014, 3:40 PM

      Nothing is ever really “gone” on the net. I’m sure some enterprising soul will find it cached somewhere and send it to Heshy so he can re-post it here for our edification.

    • Heshy Fried January 8, 2014, 4:22 PM

      I’ve updated this post to include the original aish text…scroll up.

      • bratschegirl January 9, 2014, 9:07 AM

        Ask and ye shall receive…

        Everything in the original article is so vaguely written it’s hard for me to know how to react to it, especially the “debate” point. If a guy feels emasculated by a woman who expresses a differing point of view at all, that’s one thing, but nobody likes to feel cross-examined or interrogated or disrespected, especially on a first date, and without any shred of specific information it’s impossible to know where on that spectrum we’re talking about.

  • Koufax January 8, 2014, 6:51 PM

    Apropos of nothing: I love that there are so many “Asian Singles seeking love” advertisements here on Frum satire.

    • Ksil January 8, 2014, 9:00 PM

      Hey koufax, usually those ads are targeted to your specific computer/ip based on your browsing history.

      But thanks for letting us know

    • Andonymous January 8, 2014, 9:58 PM

      Who knew Asian singles were so lonely? And so interested in dating Jewish!

  • Andonymous January 8, 2014, 9:54 PM

    What’s worse than obnoxious selfies?

    Melfies.

    Girls who send me pics of Dr. Melfi from The Sopranos in suggestive or provocative positions, hoping it will rouse me to the point of interest. Sorry, ladies. I’m not gonna fall for that shtick. You’re gonna have to get into my pants the old fashioned way. By inviting me over to watch Doogie Howser seasons 3 & 4 at your place with the lights real dim. Mmm, sweet Doogie.

    • Anonymous January 9, 2014, 1:26 PM

      For a minute I thought you said milfs.

  • Piggy January 10, 2014, 8:10 AM

    The advice in the aish dating article sounds like common sense to me. I’m married for 14 years, and feeling emasculated in a heated debate would be the last thing I’d worry about. If she’s intentionally trying to get you into a heated debate on a first date you have bigger problems coming alright. Either an uber feminist or she’s just always looking to pick a fight. Marry someone like that and you’ll never find peace any day in your life.

  • Anonymous January 11, 2014, 4:48 AM

    if the guy’s not willing to pay for your date, he is cheap! marrying him may mean going back to work 2 weeks after you have a baby because it’s “old fashioned” to assume he’s the main breadwinner…

    • anon January 11, 2014, 2:03 PM

      I am not a ATM machine.

    • Abe March 14, 2014, 7:06 AM

      You might’ve had a point 100 years ago but not in 2014. If a woman can earn money then she can pay her way. Or is a woman’s attitude “what’s mine is mine. what’s your’s is mine”. Hang on that is the attitude of a rasha. Want equality and mutual respect then act like an adult.

  • AC January 12, 2014, 12:46 AM
  • Eric7665464 December 25, 2014, 1:02 AM

    Well, Israel is in Asia…

    But seriously, Asian-Jewish marriages are a big thing. Asians and Jews are similar in values and social goals. Non-religious Jews tend to be sick of Jewish culture and want something similar but not Jewish, while Asians aspire to the established success of Jews in the US.

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