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I may not have been sexually abused in yeshiva but…

yeshiva-ad-journalsThere was plenty of abuse.

There were (kenasim) fines, plenty of them, for coming late to shachris one too many times, forgetting to bring receipts from your mall visit to “prove” you weren’t at the movies, and the ever present “forgetting” to check out when you left the building. These kenasim were fairly abusive in nature, being that they were arbitrary, one dorm councilor would fine you differently than another. Then one of the rabbis could tack on a tax for those of us who were paying full tuition.

Have you seen the food they serve yeshiva guys, I’m not sure if I’d prefer feather filled burnt chicken wings over giving my rebbe a hand job, at least the hand job probably led to good scores on faher’s and lower lower kenas for skipping shuir. Eating those chicken wings wouldn’t get you much, besides the shits.

Night seder was one more form of abuse, as if it wasn’t enough that school ended at 6:20 in the evening, 2 hours later, instead of settling down to a good book or a session with the Sears underwear ads, they would force us to learn at 9pm at night for another hour. Sure, night seder always turned into one big bullshit session, but I always wondered how much abuse we could take.

As if things weren’t bad enough, we couldn’t go to the modern shul because there was girls there. We couldn’t go to chabad pizza night because there were girls there too and if we were caught at NCSY we were given a mussar talk about girls leading us down the path of genocide (masturbation) and sin.

It would have been one thing if we had multiple restaurants in town, but the mere fact that the only places to eat we happen to not hold by was a bit much. No donuts and no bakery were the laws of the land, apparently the modern orthodox rabbi drove to shul and put porn in the donuts.

Did I ever tell you about the abusive wake up call? About 30 minutes before davening they would put on the worst in Jewish music at the end of the hall, conveniently located by the bathroom. This music would be blasted, while our doors were slammed open and were yelled at by the vecker. The vecker would sometimes pour water on us and pull our bed covers off. It was really a terrible time.

If they suspected a letter (this was a long time ago) was from a girl, the Rosh Yeshiva would pull you into the office and open it and read it to you, talk about public embarrassment. I guess it’s a good thing that frum girls in the 90’s really had no ideas about sex and the letters were mostly harmless stories about getting caught at Prime Time or Playboy Billiards on a Saturday night.

Remember the next time one of your friends files a lawsuit against that lovable rebbe, that you too were probably a victim of abuse.

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{ 12 comments… add one }
  • shmuel July 9, 2013, 11:48 PM

    Wow! And I thought British public segregated schools were bad!

  • Joe July 10, 2013, 6:20 AM

    Haha, and you went to a more modern Yeshiva… Imagine 7 AM chasidus…

    • Heshy Fried July 10, 2013, 12:33 PM

      instead we had 7am mussar about how the yetzer harah was causing us to sleep late

  • Angry Rabbi July 10, 2013, 6:24 AM

    Y’know, Heshey, my son was sexually abused by his Rebbe in 1st grade , and you’re complaining about fines and having to prove you didn’t go to the movies? Are you seriously comparing the two? Aww, your chicken was burned? Fuck You!

    • x July 11, 2013, 12:04 AM

      No, he is not seriously comparing the two. The post was in poor taste but I found it humorous as a victim of these yeshiva “abuses” myself.

      I’m very sorry to hear about your son. I hope he has gotten the help he needs and that his abuser has been brought to justice. Stay strong.

  • anon July 10, 2013, 8:16 AM

    if you slept nude the veckers would have never pulled off your covers again

  • Abe July 10, 2013, 12:03 PM

    More rules = Bigger mischief bank= More fun
    O’h the fun we had in yeshivah. I’m 36 and still cherish the memories.
    Looking at the porn mags in middle of shiur while trying not to get caught was a contest.
    The remote controlled looping cassette player tucked into the wall A/C spewing Fart sounds and uncontrollable laughter during class.
    Cards with hot women in bikini’s thrown all over the classroom floor during night seder forcing the rebbe to hand pick up himself.
    I could keep on going.
    O’h the fun we had!

  • A. Nuran July 10, 2013, 5:38 PM

    I see the point you’re trying to make.
    I realize this is Frum Satire.
    It needs to be emphasized that kids who were sexually abused would trade what happened to them for what you went through in a second.

  • Nomen July 11, 2013, 9:28 AM

    Hesh.. this isn’t fair. You know as well as I do, apart from the “I may not have been sexually abused…” line, almost everything here appears in your older posts. Rerun.

  • Anonymous July 12, 2013, 7:50 AM

    angry rabbi- get over your anger. the fact that your son was abused doesnt mean that the whole world has to be miserable with you for the rest of your life.

  • Anonymous July 12, 2013, 9:10 AM

    Maybe I should reconsider sending my children to yeshivah. They have to learn about Torah from someone though, and it can’t be me!

  • Raisin July 15, 2013, 4:53 AM

    Was the Rabbi sorry for what he did after he had to pick up the bikini cards and listen to fart noises?

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