Parve Cholent Sucks: At least we can all agree on one thing

cholent kiddushParve Cholent  is a crime against humanity and I’m pretty sure that it’s one of the few things that a bulk of the frum community can agree on. As strange as it is, there are people who consider themselves frum and traditional who partake in this travesty and I’m not so sure that anyone who really knows about minhag and mesorah could possibly justify making a cholent parve.

When I was living in a shul in San Francisco, one of my contractual things was to make kiddush most weeks, I was known for my meaty, fatty, and unhealthy cholent, one week a board member called me up to request a parve cholent and I almost lost my cool. How could someone who sits on the board of an Orthodox congregation even have the hava minah for parve cholent, it was truly a travesty, I even called up my own rav to ask him if it was permissible to daven in a shul that had members who knew from parve cholent. Not surprisingly, my rav had to ask his rav for a p’sak.

Parve cholent is definitely one of those negative attributes of the baal teshuva movement, it’s a clear boosha to the frum world and the only people who could introduce such a crime against Hashem must be those who came from Godless homes. While I’m on the subject, I should mention that chicken in cholent is almost as big a crime as a parve cholent, for chicken provides none of the collagen or flavor of meat and therefore takes a parve cholent and makes it fleishig without the benefits of fleish. I’ve even heard that some poskim hold that chicken cholent is a bigger aveirah because some may think it’s parve and go home and eat milchig and be over an issur d’rabanan.

In order to try and cover up the parve cholent’s lack of flavor, those who commit this crime feel the need to add things to cholent which are clearly from their baal teshuva backgrounds, chickpeas, sweet potatoes, carrots, and any flavors they feel may help them in their spehardic envy. In general, cholent should only contain, meat, potatoes, onions, barley, and beans. There has been much debate in the less than frum community about other non-traditional things that may be fine, but break from our cholent mesorah – such as lentils, rice, quinoa, farro, and parsnips. These things may give the cholent taste, but breaking our time honored traditions is much more dangerous than any flavor enhancements.

Hot dogs in the cholent is not my thing, but in the past 20 years when we’ve lost most our pre-internet gedolim, many frum Jews have become more accepting of hot dogs in the cholent. I hear that in order to meaten up their cholents, many poverty striken kollel yungeleit have taken up the practice of adding hot dogs to their cholent.

Find our more about parve cholent sucking on 4torah.com

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • YCCYRLOL

    Not to sound like a schmuck, but didn’t you post something like this about a year and a half ago?

    Also, I never had Parve cholent, that’s like buying shoes but no socks.

    I love how I’m posting this from my secret iPhone in Yeshiva, zmanim is almost over and I don’t see the reason to sign a shtar saying I wouldn’t use a service I pay for.

    I’m off topic here, but whatever.

    TL;DR – I agree, Parve anything sucks.

    • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

      I may have, but I felt like ranting so there.

  • LFD

    If this post was to be the N’eilah drasha in every shul this year, Moshiach would surely arrive speedily in our days. Amen!

    • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

      May we be zoche to see all of the vegetarian infiltrators in our community do teshuva

      • LFD

        On a funny note, a vegan BT who I have often accommodate by having lots of parve alternatives (no way I’m giving up MY chulent) just informed me he will now be eating salmon. Maybe Moshiach IS coming! Lol. BTW, Heshy, why do MO say “I’m eating salmon for dinner” and frummies and Chasidim say I\”I’m eating salmon FISH for dinner? I always found it weird.

        • Alter Cocker

          Ask the frummie weirdos what other salmon there is. I’ve never heard anyone say that.

  • Ori

    “sephardic envy” cracked me up!

  • ASK

    So, what was your ravs psak?

  • Simcha Ahhrona Liss

    What about the crime against the animals? There is plenty of food to eat without killing animals.

  • the real ms

    Are eggs in chulent assur for ashkenazim?
    If so what if an ashkenazi family goes to a sefardi house for lunch, can they then just eat around the egg or is the whole thing assur?
    You didn’t list Kishke as one of your ingredients. I assume this is a mistake. Please clarify.

    • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

      I throw eggs in the cholent for the wife.

  • Joisel

    Heshy.
    You havn’t tasted a HUNGARIAN PARVE cholent.
    Go to Williamsburg instead of Crown Hieghts next time you head east. Try those parve cholents in place like Greens. The Kishkeh or maybe the gallons of oil/grease they lubricate it with does a great job to give it a real meat flavor.
    And when you try Cholent with Parm cheese or Sour Cream you may just switch and start eating Meat Cholent for ‘Shalleh soodis’ and do the parve/dairy cholent for kiddush/lunch.
    And I’m NOT a BT or from a BT community. However I LOOOOOOVE BTs.

    • D

      TRUE, try the rebetzins parve chulent at the riverdale shteibl (hungarian)- it is killer!!!

    • Alter Cocker

      “The Kishkeh or maybe the gallons of oil/grease they lubricate it with does a great job to give it a real meat flavor.”

      If they put kishkeh in it, it’s not a parve cholent…

      • Mordche

        There is pareve kishke you know…

  • gary abraham

    Parve kishka is available to go with the parve cholent

    • Puzzled

      Parve cholent is one thing, but now you’re going way too far.

      By the way, I’ve had and liked dairy cholent.

  • godeladams

    my hungarian mama z’l made a gevaldegge cholent using smoked beef, beans and barley. It made the whole house smell like gan eden.

  • Michael ben Drosai

    Pareve chulent is like alcohol free beer or decaf coffee – why bother?

  • Moishe

    I know one of the gdoilim addresses the parve cholent in his Shut, I just forgot which one…

  • Joisel

    “why bother?”
    WHY BOTHER!
    Because its GREAT cholent (remember, the Hungarian version) AND you can have your milk shake with it.
    In fact, if you put a sprinkle of parm cheese &/or eat it with sour cream you’ll NEVER eat meat Cholent again.

  • Reb Yid

    Heshy,
    Seems like you never ate the parve Thurday night chulent in the gas station outside of Kiryas Yoel

  • PhilosemiticNoahide

    Heshy, when you said “Sephardic envy” and mentioned adding chickpeas to cholent, I thought of some other Seph/Ashke fusion foods:

    Gefilte falafel
    Bagels with hummus and lox
    Borscht with agristada instead of sour cream
    Keftes full of chopped liver
    Ptitim kugel
    Matzo ball lentil soup

    I’m sure, as a well-travelled Jew, you can add much more :)

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