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Not Safe For Kashrus (NSFK)

Kosher Bacon?The Star K joined a collection of no-name hechsherim in creating a new criteria for gaining kashrut status. Brands must have an SFK name. As this photo shows, you can even get a hechsher on bacon donuts, you just need an SFK name on the branding. What’s SFK? Internet savvy folks know what NSFW means. It’s not safe for work, a.k.a. pritzus and other content that you could get you in hot water with your HR department at work. Cutesy restaurants and food vendors have inadvertently created a new category — NSFK. Using certain words can get you in trouble with the kashrus department. You can’t get a hechsher unless you cover the naughty bits in your name. So if you want to keep your hechsher you have to follow the following rules:

  1. No referencing Avoda Zarah. That’s why they shut down Buddha’s and Yehudah’s House of Soy and Oy in Amherst, MA last month. No Ashtoret K’toret spices. No Ba’al in the Ba’alagan Bistro either. Forget about Santa Claus cookies.
  2. Speaking of Santa, no names of other people we don’t like either. So you can call the productwheat gluten, but you are not getting a hechsher if you call it Seitan. No restaurants named “Eezevel” (Jee, they serve zevel?). No Lilith Latkes either. You can’t even use Vashti in a name. You should have seen the debate about Hamantashen, the name stays, barely.
  3. No making fun of Rebbes or frum groups. So no hechshers on Satmeringue Lemon Pies. The old Rav Pam Cooking Spray almost lost their hechsher, but no one remembered who Rav Pam was anymore. You still can’t buy mountain spring Elchonon Wasser Bottles. Of course, Telz Angel Cake mix was never kosher in the first place (I had to throw that in).

All products that do not conform to SFK names will be pulled from haimish stores within a 2 mile radius of 39th street and 14th avenue. Surprisingly though, you can still find Ginger AleElyon, EloHimalayan Pink Salt, ShaDiaper rash creme, and AdoNiacin B3 vitimin tablets. But no more Hakadosh Barbecue — cuz good taste and harmless branding is NSFK, not safe for kosher.

Search for more Ha Shameful Halachos at 4Torah.com

Photo credithttp://www.flickr.com/photos/ori/with/7768999538/
{ 12 comments… add one }
  • Niche June 27, 2013, 1:01 PM

    I lost it at Hakadosh Barbecue.

    • Telz Angel June 27, 2013, 2:28 PM

      Well, Hakadosh BBQ nearly lost it too, which was the inspiration for the post. I hope they come up with a good new name. I think it’s crazy to make them change it.

  • not funny June 27, 2013, 1:17 PM

    this was one of the least funny post I have ever seen, it would fit better in the humor column of Hamodia

    • Anonymous June 27, 2013, 10:01 PM

      I have to agree. It’d be funny if it were real. Since it’s entirely invented, it needs to meet a different standard for humor.

      • the real ms June 28, 2013, 3:39 AM

        This is not funny at all. Its just a list of silly puns that need quite a stretch of the imagination to make in the first place (with the exception of rav pam cooking spray which was pretty good).
        I bet all you posters who think this is funny are stupid Americans who wouldnt know humor if it bit you on the bottom.

        • Oh really? June 28, 2013, 6:42 AM

          A real issue. Boston Vaad made a Buddha’s Delight change their name. Jezebel in NY had to change their name. Just last week Hakadosh BBQ was told to change their name too. All to keep the hashgacha. Would be silly if it wasn’t real.

  • Princess June 30, 2013, 12:54 AM

    You should check into the kosher weed posak discussion at Accidental Talmudist.

  • bratschegirl June 30, 2013, 5:45 AM

    I’m with Niche. Nearly fell out of my chair at Hakadosh Barbecue! Classic. If you’re right about the Santa Claus cookies, though, can all that Cadbury kosher xmas and easter candy be far behind? And will there be anyone left to speak up by the time they come for the Morningstar Farms fake bacon?

  • Rob July 1, 2013, 7:42 AM

    Brilliant… even better than Gedolei flavors for Ben & Jerry’s!

  • Michael McG July 1, 2013, 1:30 PM

    Is “chocolate malted bacon donut hole” a euphemism?

  • Michael K. July 1, 2013, 2:18 PM

    For those not in the NY area, Hakadosh BBQ actually exists, or it did until the Star-K asked them to change their name, a la Jezebel, which is now JSoho.

    There’s at least one hashgacha that doesn’t allow hamburgers to be served at their restaurants. Beefburgers, however, are fine. Or just plain “burgers”

  • ???? ??????? July 9, 2013, 6:24 PM

    I wonder what they would say about:
    Burrito Lam
    Mah Tofu

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