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Ebay Yanks chelek in olam habaah auction

bizarro_atheistsEbay yanked my auction for my portion in Heaven because “We don’t allow listings that aren’t offering anything for sale or those that have intangible items (generally things don’t physically exist).” I take this as proof that Olam Habaah (Heaven) does not exist.
But for those of you who do still want it, below is my sales pitch, feel free to bid on it right here.
“Okay sure, I went off the Derech. But even the worst Rasha only goes to Gehenom for eleven months, and that’s without anyone saying kaddish for them. I have seven(!) brothers, I’m sure a couple of them will outlive me and say kaddish for me. I’ve done my fair share of Aveiros, but I have a decent amount of unassailable Mitzvos under my belt as well. I was a good student all through yeshiva, never broke any Halachos – and was even careful about Minhagim – until my early twenties, I am now a vegetarian, so I don’t eat any real treif (anymore), and being that I’m an atheist, I don’t worship Avodah Zoroh. I have dedicated a lot of time and effort to fighting molestation in the Frum community, I served in the US Army, where I was the Jewish Lay Leader on my base in South Korea for a year, and when I was deployed to Haiti in 2010 immediately after the earthquake I saved countless lives (I realize they’re goyim, but still – they’ve gotta count for something).
So all in all I think my Chelek in Olam Habaah is definitely worth a pretty penny. Don’t be a cheap Jew, and fork it over like it’s Maftir Yona. Remember – you’re bidding on an eternal reward in heaven!
The winning bidder will receive a signed contract, guaranteeing my timeshare in Shomaim, and an additional signed contract guaranteeing that I will not become a bigger Baal Aveira than I am now, and that if I become a Baal Teshuva (don’t bet on it), I will pay the fair market value for the return of my Olam Habaah.
Thank you, and happy bidding.”

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HT Rachmuna

{ 133 comments… add one }
  • Dan May 27, 2013, 9:06 AM

    There is no way you are certain enough that it doesn’t have option value to you that is greater than whatever you’d get on an ebay auction for it.

    • A. Nuran May 27, 2013, 10:45 AM

      Pascal’s Wager was always a sucker bet. Here’s a very nice demolition of it.

      • Dan May 27, 2013, 10:56 AM

        I’m not suggesting Pascal’s wager. It is different here because he has already done all the stuff, and is willing to sell the option value for a pittance.

    • Rachmuna Litzlon May 27, 2013, 10:52 AM

      Dan – there is no way you are certain enough that the Mormons aren’t correct that if baptized into the Church of Latter Day Saints, after death you will be a god on your own planet.

      • A. Nuran May 27, 2013, 10:54 AM

        Or as the video points out the Scientologists, Shaivites, whatever the Martians worship, Cthulhu Cultists and an infinity of other beliefs most of which we cannot even imagine.

      • Dan May 27, 2013, 10:55 AM


        And that is why if the Mormons thought that I deserved to be a god on my own planet simply for stuff I had already done, and you offered to buy that for 5 dollars, I gander I would say no.

    • Alter Cocker May 27, 2013, 1:36 PM

      I think the whole discussion is silly. I wouldn’t sell a share in the world to come whether I believe in it or not.

      These shares are non-transferable and if I took money from someone for it, it would be a scam that I’d feel guilty about.

  • OfftheDwannaB May 27, 2013, 10:25 AM

    Heshy you should probably mention this wasnt ur ad.

    • Heshy Fried May 27, 2013, 12:39 PM

      There’s a hat tip at the bottom, not my fault if people don’t read the hat tip.

      • Alter Cocker May 27, 2013, 1:30 PM

        No, there’s a HT. Not our fault you’re too lazy to type out “hat tip”

      • Alter Cocker May 27, 2013, 1:33 PM

        Additionally, it would make more sense to say BEFORE a direct copy and paste that you are taking it from somewhere else. As in a link for attribution, and perhaps a whole sentence from you rather than just copying and pasting several paragraphs, not linking, and writing “HT” buried with the 4torah ads and expecting that to be sufficient.

      • M.ztG May 28, 2013, 4:30 PM

        Truth be told, if I didn’t already know about the auction, I’d probably have thought it was you also.
        In fact, when reading the first line, I was thinking “What, now Heshy too?”, followed by “I wonder if his wife is OK with this”.

        • Alter Cocker May 28, 2013, 4:35 PM

          Anyone reading this would assume Heshy was talking about himself (unless they had prior knowledge that it was not true about Heshy).

          He plagiarized without attribution or quotes or anything but a “HT” at the end.

  • Rachmuna Litzlon May 27, 2013, 11:28 AM

    I am about as certain that Olam Habaah doesn’t exist, as you are that Santa doesn’t, so I’d rather get $5 now.

    • Dan May 27, 2013, 11:32 AM

      You should question yourself why that is so.

      It seems to me to be going well beyond a rational position.

      • Rachmuna Litzlon May 27, 2013, 11:40 AM

        Why’s that? Are you worried about going to hell for not accepting Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?

        • Dan May 27, 2013, 11:44 AM

          That is different. If it only cost me 5 bucks to get Christian salvation, and it didn’t negate my Jewish salvation, I bet I would buy in.

          This is not Pascal’s wager, and it certainly isn’t Nuran’s youtube video about making pascal’s wager with every religion.

          I simply don’t believe that you don’t think your olam habah has a 5 dollar option value, for any rational reason. I think that in the name of intellectual honesty, you should ask yourself what the irrational reason is.

          The irrational reason may be a good one. Perhaps assigning any value to it would bother you by introducing doubt into your thinking, such that the pain associated with that doubt would not be worth the option value. That seems like a pretty good reason.

          • A. Nuran May 27, 2013, 11:42 PM

            Nope. It’s Pascal’s Wager, just not for Catholics. You’re asking him to weigh the price he’d get against the value of what he’s giving up times some probability that it’s true. And you’re telling him the Jewish payout is greater than $5 cash money. Pascal’s Wager to ten decimal places. Insisting “No it isn’t!” doesn’t change the facts.

            You’re adding an extra helping of piffle, twaddle and nonsense by tossing in the sunk costs fallacy. “You’ve already put so much in you just can’t stop now.”

            • Dan May 28, 2013, 6:21 AM

              To clarify for Nuran:

              It isn’t Pascal’s wager, because Pascal was talking about making a large investment into his wager, while Rachmono’s investment is only 75 dollars and will require no continuing maintenance of the investment. Quite different than Pascal who was going to live a religious life for his wager.

              It also is not susceptible to the argument of the youtube video you linked. The argument there was that there are so many different religions you would have to live according to to do the wager, and you could not possibly do so. Here however, there is only one religion that he has earned all these brownie points towards, and whose adherents he thinks will pay 75 dollars for.

              It is not a sunken costs fallacy. The sunken costs fallacy would be if I were relying on his previous investment to justify a now bad investment. I am challenging that his current investment of 75 dollars is not worth the option value, and do not believe his response that he thinks it is not.

          • A. Nuran May 27, 2013, 11:47 PM

            The other bit here is special pleading on your part. Rachmuna has no reason to believe that Adonai or the World to Come are anything besides fairy tales. So the value of an E-ticket to Yidworld is zip as far as he’s concerned. I can’t think of any way you’re going to convince him otherwise. He’s already heard all the tired old arguments and plenty of charismatic speakers who make great emotional appeals.

            What’s more, you demand that Judaism be specially privileged for no good articulable reason.

            • Dan May 28, 2013, 6:25 AM

              I don’t care to convince him of anything.

              And I’m not asking for anything to be privileged. I’m making one simple argument which you should be agreeing to, but you are afraid to because you think you will be agreeing to Judaism if you do.

              So let me clarify: I am not saying rachmonoh should believe in Judaism, or any other ism. I am simply pointing out that there is no way in the world it does not have a 75 dollar option value. That’s all.

              And as I said above, I would be making the same argument about mormonism or islam or catholicism.

              I think you are too busy hyperreacting to the tired old arguments of charismatic speakers that you are unable to consider any arguments.

      • G*3 May 27, 2013, 11:47 AM

        We cant be certain about anything, but if someone told me that there were fairies who sometimes go around turning old worn-out socks into gold just for fun, and offered to buy my old worn-out socks, Id sell him the socks. You would hold onto the socks on the off chance the fairies are real?

    • Anonymus May 29, 2013, 3:18 AM

      How are you certain, you yourself said you had unanswered questions,, meaning you’re not certain. By the way Santa was invented by coke. Also your olam habaah is worthless since only someone who is part of the klal, but sinned gets a portion, you however are not since you took yourself out. Also you are morally corrupt for selling something you don’t believe to exist.

  • Ghottistyx May 27, 2013, 12:22 PM

    Ray Comfort’s Wager: this is from the top of my memory, so I may be ruining it. But here goes.

    Let’s say I offered you a choice of one of four things. You could either have a) a Lamborghini b) a billion dollars c) an original Matisse painting or d) a parachute, which one would you pick?

    Now let me change the offer a bit. Let’s say you were about to jump out of an airplane. Now which one would you pick? Obviously, you would pick the parachute.

    The other world religions may have more material attraction. But they will not save you once you are trying to get into the next world.

    For example, Hindus believe that when you die, you get resurrected. If you were good, you move up in the world; if you were bad, you move down. This is like saying that it’s okay to jump without a parachute. You will just end up back in the airplane. If you were good, you will end up in first class. But if you were bad, you end up in between an insurance salesman who won’t shut up and a crying baby.

    Islam also believes in God. But they don’t accept the salvation of Jesus. So they don’t guarantee your entrance in the world to come.

    Buddhists believe that the world is an illusion. This is like saying it’s okay to jump because there is no ground and there is no airplane…

    And the absurdity goes on…

    • A. Nuran May 27, 2013, 11:53 PM

      And Ghottistyx is putting up bad parodies of these other religions’ doctrines, full to bursting with errors.

      There is no single Hinduism. There’s a sub-continent full of every religious variety you can imagine. Reincarnation isn’t just getting new tickets forever. There is also moksa which lets you get off and leave the airport.

      Islam holds that People of the Book – Muslims, Jews, Christians and according to some authorities Zoroastrians – who follow their religion all have Get Out of Hell Free cards.

      And Buddhists? You’ll have to change what you mean by “world”, “illusion” and the one doing the jumping.

      • Ghottistyx May 28, 2013, 1:45 PM

        I wish it was a parody. But sadly, this is my memory of Ray Comfort’s grandiose argument on why you should believe in Jesus. Yes, it is full of errors. My intent on posting it was to show some of the ridiculous excuses for arguments people use.

        For those unaware, Ray Comfort is the guy who passes out free copies of “On the Origin of Species”. The text itself is in small hard to read print. In the front is his intro trying to explain why Darwin was a heathen. It is laughable. I picked it up, laughed at Comfort ‘s fallacious understanding of Darwin, read “On the Origin of Species” (my first time reading the actual text); I can safely say “Comfort, you lose!” His purpose is to allow us to see for ourselves how bad evolution is. All he did was reaffirm my disdain for religious fundies.

        Some of you may recognize him as the man who turned Kirk Cameron of Growing Pains fame into a loony Internet preacher.

  • the real ms May 28, 2013, 2:19 AM

    An antiques dealer paid some arab kid a small sum for the qumran scrolls (or so the legend goes). The scrolls then sold for a large fortune.
    Truth is everyone was happy. The boy who found them, the antiques dealer, and the final buyer all thought they were getting a good deal. But on the other hand the arab boy was exploited.
    So whilst I think up to 300 USD would be a bargain for this kind of chelek, like alter cokcer, I would feel too guilty to buy it.

    • Dan May 28, 2013, 7:49 AM

      A good question to the frum folks, is why are you not buying it?

      I’m not sure I’m convinced by the “I don’t want to take advantage” argument.

      • Alter Cocker May 28, 2013, 9:40 AM

        It can’t be sold. That’s not how it works.

      • A. Nuran May 28, 2013, 11:06 AM

        Why not, indeed? That’s the sales pitch I get pretty much every week. “Give us money to support some guy warming a chair in kollel. The Brownie points he gets for learning are transferred to your account.” This is just the same thing as a one-time offer.

        • Dan May 28, 2013, 11:11 AM

          Do you really get those sales pitches?

          How, have you ever given before?

          • A. Nuran May 28, 2013, 12:55 PM

            I got them after I started contributing to a local shul.

        • Alter Cocker May 28, 2013, 2:30 PM

          No, they’re not saying you get someone’s share in the world to come.

          They’re claiming it’s a good deed and it will improve your ledger. There’s a difference. They are not saying if you give them money you will get his share in the world to come.

          • A. Nuran May 28, 2013, 4:56 PM

            True. They’re saying I get a few of his credits, not the whole thing. Same principle, though

            • Alter Cocker May 28, 2013, 6:18 PM

              I disgaree.

              Credit for a good deed. I don’t think they’re saying you get part of his olam haba. Try asking them and see what they say.

              My point is, regardless of which religion (that believes in the afterlife), none of them say you can barter your “share” like baseball cards. You can’t offer a Saberhagen 1985 card plus an afterlife to be named later for another afterlife.

              And even if you could, it’s not a tangible item, so why would anyone buy rachmana’s share? rachmana might’ve “sold” it 20 times already. The whole “sale” is meaningless.

  • Rachmuna Litzlon May 28, 2013, 7:13 AM

    Turns out eBay isn’t part of the atheist mafia, and they didn’t yank my auction, so feel free to put in a bid.


  • Anonymous May 28, 2013, 11:43 AM

    $5.80 for shipping? What a rip-off!

  • Still there May 28, 2013, 3:06 PM


    price is up to $99,900!

    I’m not sure how, but someone must think that its value has increased exponentially in the past day!

  • Ben May 28, 2013, 4:34 PM

    If you wanted to be smart about this again, you would make it “Rachmuna Litzlacha’s Helek in Olam Haba & Megillas Esther” or something like that.

    Put the contract for the sale of first page of the Megillah, and now Ebay has been satisfied.

  • Anonymus May 29, 2013, 3:24 AM

    How are you certain, you yourself said you had unanswered questions,, meaning youre not certain. By the way Santa was invented by coke. Also your olam habaah is worthless since only someone who is part of the klal, but sinned gets a portion, you however are not since you took yourself out and the fact that you may have done good deeds in your life doesn’t count. Also you are morally corrupt for selling something you dont believe to exist.

  • Deusaquilus May 31, 2013, 1:05 PM

    Yeah, what’s up with that Rachmuna? Isn’t it unethical to sell something to someone that you don’t believe exists, even if they do?

  • Michael McG June 2, 2013, 9:07 PM

    Learn the New Salvific Math!!

    It’s Soter-ific!!!!

    (It’s funnier if you know Greek.)

  • moshe August 16, 2013, 1:35 PM

    i saw in a store in boro park a wonderfull sefer which came out by the name ?????” ???? ??? ?????” and answers all the questions and thoughts regarding selling olam habah and also brings down alot of stories of gedolim and explains it all.

  • moshe August 16, 2013, 1:37 PM

    i saw in a store in boro park a wonderfull sefer which came out by the name “mechiras olam habah behalacha” and answers all the questions and thoughts above and also brings down alot of stories of gedolim and explains it all.

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