Orthodox Jews keeping the porn magazine business alive

Los Angeles – Everyone knows that the Porn Industry is run by the Jews, but how many folks know that the Orthodox Jews are responsible for keeping the pornographic magazine industry alive. When internet porn came (no pun intended) onto the scene, industry leaders started went scrambling trying to figure out how to keep their businesses alive without print media. “Why would anyone in their right mind pay for porn?” became the new mantra of porn lovers everywhere. This obviously meant that the need for that good old glossy centerfold on page 34 of Barely Legal or Juggs was about to become the latest thing we called “classic”, kind of like VCR’s and Landlines.

But sales didn’t fall that much, in fact, sales stayed steady in coastal cities with large Jewish populations, like New York, Miami, LA and Jerusalem. We noticed that sales tended to increase on Friday’s and the days before Jewish holidays like Passover or Yom Kippur. Our surveys have shown that many Orthodox Jews don’t use the internet or their smart phones during these time periods and this is the sole reason for the steady or increased sales. Many Rabbis have also taken a similar approach to the Internet that they’ve done with Television in the past and simply banned it. These bans have helped sales of print pornography stay the same or even increase in certian instances, because the internet fueled the Orthodox Jewish consumers need for pornographic material.

 

 

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  • Chaim

    I call bullshit. sorry. not enough orthodox jews to make that kind of mark and the even if so, we’re talking about one day a week. sorry.

  • MCR

    LOL!

    Maybe that’s why they started an Israeli edition of Playboy.

    BTW to Chaim: This is a humor blog. Take it with a grain of salt. (BTW, did you know the OU is banning salt for Pesach because, like Quinoa, it might be confused with a grain, and coffee for Ashkenazim because it’s from a bean?)

  • man!

    Ashkenazy u all need to pull the stick out of ya butts

  • Adam

    yeah but……… Sarah Silverman is such an unfunny, annoying cow.

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  • michaltastik

    “industry leaders started went scrambling trying to figure out how to keep their businesses alive without print media”

    huh? is this one of those sentences your wife called you about?

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