I hope you saw this important video by the Blouse Rabbi, Rabbi Eliyahu Fark. This is the latest edition of the supper-hot orthoporn series of videos are hitting the Internet these days. You think women need to dress like Katy Perry with their chest exposed showing lustful patches of skin in order to attract men? No way! That’s too explicit for our taste. Frum guys are now getting their little bursts of joy watching tznius videos. Like this one…
We at Frum Satire News wanted to interview the Blouse Rabbi to understand how he came up with these guidelines and what videos are going to be published next. We couldn’t get a hold of the Rabbi himself. But we spoke to his neighbor, Bruce, who told us that the Blouse Rabbi is an incredibly busy man.
“At least 20 women and girls visit him every day. He uses good old fashioned measuring tape to make sure their blouses are fitting property. The Rabbi tests to see if their fabric is too tight. He’ll even use photographer’s back-lighting to check the transparency of their blouses when they are illuminated; with the fans blowing on the shaitels, and studio-generated rainfall pours over their body. He takes pictures of them to show just how tznius they are. He also produced a video of the whole shoot for his tznius subscribers. It’s quite a production. Sometimes he’ll have clients do all night blouse-fitting and testing sessions with him. He’s very dedicated to his craft.”
We asked Bruce to tell us about the women who visit the Blouse Rabbi. He tells us many of the women are not religious and not even Jewish.
Oh, yah, he has lots of women coming to his studio. He does orthoporn with Asian women, Latinos, older women, women on women, all genres. He does the soft-style artsy kind that he calls Kullahporn and the hard gritty stuff he calls Chumraporn. He sells to modern orthodox and charedim alike. Lot’s of people are into orthoporn, it’s like the hottest thing on the internet orthotube sites. He’s even doing an orthoscopic-orthoporn series, but I think that’s taking it way too far.
Well, we do too. Way too far.
Are you into orthoporn? We are. Share your favorite tznius videos on Heshy’s Facebook wall.
Find more Tznius guidelines on 4Torah.com.