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Should you tell someone you’re dating if you were molested?

Rabbi Manis Friedman compares telling your date that you were molested to admitting you had a bad case of diarrhea…what do you think?

{ 35 comments… add one }
  • Shragi January 28, 2013, 8:44 PM

    I think he must have had one too many vodkas before giving this speech on video.

  • Dan January 28, 2013, 8:46 PM

    I have no idea who that is. But thankfully, he looks like a weirdo also. So he probably is. At least I know my rebbeim don’t agree with him.

    Although, the real anger is that his comment seems to downplay the harm of being molested. But after listening to the whole thing, I think he might just downplay to the need to be open with a potential spouse.

    • Shragi January 28, 2013, 8:51 PM

      Dan, this is a very influential Lubavitch rabbi. He sure seems to be downplaying the harm that molestation causes the victim as well as downplaying the harm rape has on victims. He sounds like and ignorant, arrogant, heartless slut.

      • chevramaidel January 28, 2013, 9:45 PM

        Especially since his word holds so much weight with young women who are just beginning their journey into frum Judaism. When, whom, and how much to tell is of course an extremely personal choice. He could have handled the subject with sensitivity and compassion. Instead he makes survivors – who may well be among his audience – the butt of second grade bathroom humor.

        • Yochanan January 29, 2013, 7:43 AM


  • AlmightyMexijew January 28, 2013, 9:23 PM

    Out of disgust, I couldn’t really finish the video. But I did hear it through the part where he says our ancestors were molested by shaygetzes and still went on with life.

    To me, his fallacy is thinking its okay because our ancestors went on anyway. If the whole concept of Bishul and Chalav Yisrael and all the related chumrot/halachot is to prevent mixing in a friendly or marital sense, it is highly likely that Torah and Torah opinions wouldn’t reflect so positively on goyim committing atrocities on Jews. Particularly forced sexual ones. Particularly if the whole ikkur inyan is about Jews and goyim having relations.

    So…by kol v’chomer, if a goy shouldn’t be allowed to do it and Jews are supposed to elevate beyond the negative influences and habits of goyim, shouldn’t we even more so strive not to molest other Jews? If the argument is “Jews can mix with each other”, then, what of all the men molesting boys which violates the issur on male-male relations? If the argument is on a Jewish male/Jewish female perspective, wouldn’t that drag in all of hilchot tzniut, adultery, tahorah, etc.?

    It seems ridiculous to suggest that it’s not so bad that it needs no fixing.

  • A. Nuran January 28, 2013, 9:27 PM

    Your blog’s Bad Words Filter does not permit me to accurately express my reactions to this idiot.

    • Dan January 29, 2013, 6:11 AM

      I will share your reaction in silence then.

      • Portyid January 30, 2013, 12:29 PM

        upon watching this I threw up in my mouth… Who is supporting this idiot?

  • frum single female January 28, 2013, 10:08 PM

    Hmm, the video has been removed from you tube so I did not get to see it. From these comments its just as well that it has been removed.

    • Anonymous January 29, 2013, 10:16 AM

      Too much bad publicity, he seems to have a way with getting himself into trouble.

  • Anonymous January 29, 2013, 2:31 AM

    severe case of foot-in-mouth disease?

  • Natan January 29, 2013, 3:20 AM

    The original video was deleted, but here’s another link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZhMLLC9iNk

  • Gavriela Rivka January 29, 2013, 4:17 AM

    People managed to snag the Youtube video footage and Soundcloud audio of the talk before Friedman took it down. If you do a search for “Manis Friedman” on either site, you should be able to find the mirror posts easily. And no, those cannot and will not be taken down so easily.

  • Shragi January 29, 2013, 4:44 AM

    Since I know you’re all dying to see it, here it is.


  • zach January 29, 2013, 6:31 AM

    Could not find any “mirror posts” on this video.

  • zach January 29, 2013, 6:37 AM

    Never mind. FM has a mirror video. Not on Youtube.

  • G*3 January 29, 2013, 8:39 AM

    Not only is he dismissing any emotional damage the victim might have, it seems that he’s blaming the victim! He seems to feel that the only valid form of “damage” is spiritual damage, so that all the victim has to do is make up for the aveira of unsanctioned sexual contact. He says it’s not such a big averia, and if you feel it is, so do two mitzvos to make up for it.

    He really doesn’t seem to understand the issue at all. Is it even possible he’s considered how he would feel if a person in a position of power over him stuck a hand down his pants?

  • Izzy January 29, 2013, 10:58 AM

    He’s self-admittingly, damaged beyond repair….I always love Rabbis that have humorous, tongue-in-cheek, knee-jerk answers (basically, “we are all damaged…so get on with life”) to people who bring up difficult emotional issues that effect their core.

  • Worldview January 29, 2013, 11:52 AM

    As a people we have suffered. To legitimize someone’s individual suffering is to downplay our religious response to our own historical suffering. The Frum response to the holocaust/crusades/pogrums is to move on. So the Frum response to molestation is no different.

  • rakiba January 29, 2013, 11:52 AM


    Well when I was 8 there was a strange guy at a birthday party who wanted to hug and kiss all the kids and I only just remembered that because your story about bad diarrhea on a bus has unfortunately never left me.

  • Yochanan January 29, 2013, 11:56 AM

    I wonder if Weberman will tell the other inmates it wasn’t such a big deal.

  • Alter Cocker January 29, 2013, 1:06 PM

    just like that, the vid was taken down. I guess once it got spread about the blogs, the guy realized he shouldn’t have posted it.

  • Should be working January 29, 2013, 1:45 PM

    I like where says we shouldn’t turn molestation into “an indescribable trauma that we can’t put our . . . our . . uhhh . . . . . can’t get a handle on it.”

  • frum single female January 29, 2013, 7:29 PM

    This video is quite scary. This is why people should see licensed psychologists and psychiatrists instead of their local rabbis for psychological help. This video proves this without a shadow of a doubt. This man does not have a clue about the issue and its effect on the victims.

    • A. Nuran January 30, 2013, 8:48 AM

      By all means go to the rabbi for advice about Jewish law and religious doctrine. He spent years learning them.

      Go to the electrician to wire your house and a psychiatrist or licensed psychologist for psychological help for the same reasons

      • OfftheDwannaB January 30, 2013, 4:04 PM

        I don’t want to be dan lekaf zchus on this dickhead but there is a sliver of truth in the part about many psychologists not empowering people who were victimized enough to get on with their lives. There is a lot of validation and pats on the back, but its rare, in my experience, to find a psychologist with the wherewithall to actually turn a victims life around.

        • Anonymous January 30, 2013, 8:19 PM

          read schnarch

          • OfftheDwannaB January 31, 2013, 12:20 AM

            Can u be a bit more helpful? Unless u want me to google this guy, read through everything he’s written and then ask again what you’re referring to

            • Anonymous February 4, 2013, 2:04 PM

              he is a brilliant psychologist/sex therapist who doesn’t validate the victim but empowers him to turn pain into growth.(it’s hard) any of his books will do.
              btw, why don’t you want to be dan lekaf zchus on someone?

  • Crowin' Cock January 30, 2013, 3:59 PM

    Sad that R. Freidman is supposedly one of the top Chabad speakers, personally I always found him f****g boring. But there are still rational Chabad speakers out there, here is one from a while back:

  • Possibly out of context January 30, 2013, 11:52 PM
  • stamafrumak February 1, 2013, 6:19 AM

    Although I didn’t watch the video I can gather from the comments what it was all about, as someone who has moved around quite a bit I believe that he was talking about was not not to disclose the fact that a person was molested but rather if it should come up for discussion on a date,hi s concern is tznius related that any sort of topic that could lead to discussion of the “taboo”s is not acceptable and this should rather go through a mentor,parents or a shadchan!

  • Crowin' Cock February 1, 2013, 10:25 AM

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